INsanely sane... Surviving qualmless.

It’s gradually becoming darker and darker outside as the heavy dark clouds crowd above the already soggy field. Then comes down the rain, at first soft, then torrential, frightening. It felt wonderful at first and I went to sleep, taking advantage of the cool weather. Now it is completely dark and I cannot see anything. I am feeling lost, lost in the dark cold maze.  I hate the rain, I miss the summer. This stark coldness creeps in; I hate the indifferent stillness of the air when it hits me sharp on the face. I hate its vigorous movement as it moves about in its quest for destruction. I miss the warmth of the summer, the breeze that beckons outside as the sky smiles cloudless, its caresses, and its softness. The room is feeling very stuffy now, I am feeling suffocated. I don’t know what it is, but I am feeling ill. A feeling of some deep consciousness heaves inside my breast, I feel as if I am carrying some guilty secret within me. I am feeling sick again. The past few days had been a nightmare. Mumma was here yesterday, but she is not today. She will be very worried if she knows I am alone and ill again, so I’ve got no-body to share this. But I am feeling desperately sick again, my insides are churning me out of me, I need somebody desperately to talk my heart out. I need somebody by my side. This reminds me of the days he used to stay beside me literally every hour of the day, but it is tomorrow today. I am tired of pleading, now just getting used to nothingness… but this is costing me myself now. Even didi is not here. I am missing her desperately now.  She was upset today, unable to retain her unusual composure that she generally shields herself up with. I feel like crying my heart out to myself, as it is nobody can provide the solace which I need from me now. A lonely child of two disparate parents, Oh! I am tired of exploring the dark realms within myself; I need to dispel this darkness reigning within me. I found myself fumbling even during the exam; I found myself at loss of words, a thing not my trait. The rumbling thunder interrupts my thoughts as I fight desperately to warm myself with coffee and fill myself with warm music, but everything seems futile… I am gradually becoming empty again. A deep void steals the world out of me, and this stark coldness seems to strip off the little warmth that I had until now, this darkness pains; its killing me!

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P