Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.

Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.
I'm not a perfect person, But I never meant to do those things; And so I have to say before I go, That I just want myself to know. I've found out a reason for me,; To change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know; A reason for all that I do, Before I let you go...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

A Day without Today.

Temperatures rise codes fail

Lying on the edge senses trail.

The sultry afternoon dawns forth as,

Tripping over the thread I tread

I break the spell that created ‘today’.

Tomorrow is the day, maybe with no today.

The obscure designs magnify

The ones I just noticed now…

Thirty barcodes to the bottle

Some crazy patterns on the palate

The colored stones on the mosaic

Layers of dust on the sill.

They were their yesterday

But my wits then in witty consorts

Diverted the gaze.

When emotions fail to comfort

To them I return

Forever they had stayed

Anticipating my attention.

They come to play now

For you had they not forsaken

They the silent admirers.

Still, I reread the long messages

To whom I had been addicted

Written so that you would stop by,

They are still their

Awaiting your attention

Animate under my care.

I burned them up today

To ease the burns of yesterday.

Nothing is left of you now

Save charred black smudges.

The inanimate have come to life now,

You will be the one

For whom I lived eternally.

But never the one

I died for.

This is my last post this month. I am taking a long sabbatical from this place, this city, this forlorn existence. Something seems to have come over me causing me to be constantly distracted from my typical self. Will miss the space, will miss you guys, will miss the city and my friends. Hope to see you again on return. Till then good-bye, take care.

I wont be able to stay here for C`s birthday, hope she enjoys a lot. Many many happy returns of the day to you in advance dear, and a verrrryyyy Happpy Birthday. :)

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Its not in the distance...

Snaps of memories escaped the room…

 She pressed the cell closer to her ears. Though the words on the other side were clear enough, her loud heartbeats made it more difficult to hear clearly. The ring in her voice and the clear heartfelt laughter attested her excitement. It reached the room across and her parents smiled in their sleep.

The room had been filled with Adi`s voice a few days back. He was no more. A bike accident a month back had snatched him away from her.

The day with the familiar sights had been a constant reminder, while the nights nightmares. They were into courtship for eight years and were on the verge binding up everything legally when the tragedy intervened. The glass world shattered and she found herself breaking down over him, ‘his body’.

Her parents had thrown numerous proposals her way since then, all of whom she had shunned. His existence was only known to her, his existence in her. Revealing this would scandalize her parents along with herself.

But it was even more painful to see her parents wither away in her thoughts day by day. They had dreamt about her marriage since her childhood. And they had held her tight when she had fainted with the bunch of red invitation cards in her hands two days after his demise.

With swollen eyes she had dialed the number her mother had given her the evening along with the picture. The green walls of the room echoed his thoughts, thoughts that brought him back to her every night. The guy answering seemed decent, he even cracked witty jokes… nothing registered in her mind. But she had laughed loudly, for once forsaking her demeanor. Her parents seemed visibly pleased. Their daughter was returning back to normal.


With trembling hands she disconnected the phone. Her guilty heartbeats slowly stabilized back to steady. Opening the drawer she took out the bunch of letters, reread each of them and burnt them one by one. Her eyes gleamed with satisfaction. Slowly she unfolded the new blade that she had brought on her way back home. Closing her eyes and with a calm face she drew it deep into her wrist. Feeling the warmth she lay down. The room felt cold and she felt at complete peace with herself. Their was no sense of guilt save happiness. She along with his trace of him in her was going to stay together forever. She felt her breath running out… it was time; the hour to meet him had arrived ultimately.

 Promises have been kept.

We vowed to be one in life and death.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Monday, June 8, 2009

Infusing Life in You...

It is only words and words

Words that rain out your memories

You seem to be non-existent,

But in my words you persist.

You have given way to this word-less emptiness

To which these expressions infused liveliness.

Are you their?

Or is it just my words

Fighting this lone quest

Towards asserting the reality…

That had one day created you

And are slaughtering you now.

Freezing you in these moments

While you breathe in my words.

They which instilled faith in me

Has now betrayed my trust.

Give life to my words

Their creation should not destroy you.

In their effort to chill time.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Its time once again!

5th of June… it has again been a great day for me. Semesters are ultimately over, so it’s again time for some fun and masti.

That is exactly what we had today. No, it is not that I am obsessed with my friends, it is just that they were here again welcomingly intruding into these lonely depressing days of mine for once. They are not the same friends to whom I dedicated my last poem [If you remember the Last poem I dedicated to my friends], and neither of these two groups are acquainted! The special thing that differentiates this group of friends from the former is that none from this group are of my age. They are all senior to me, and we are all friends because we share a common passion. Yeah, all of us are passionate about Photography… the art that lent a new purpose to my life and a difference behind my perception towards things. It is an artist’s eye and a passionate interest that bonded us, but now they have been fraught with new ties of friendship. Over these span of few years, I have realized that my bond with these people are not only professional, but they have become an un-detachable part of my life now. Previously I did not give this much of a thought, maybe because they were always by me so I never had the need to realize their worth individually… but the realization seeped in deeper today “I am incomplete without them, just as I am incomplete without Photography”.

 Now, this is a part of my life totally unknown to you. I have never before revealed this here so my guests here might be confused about what I am talking. Well, I am talking about JUPC, i.e. Jadavpur University Photographic Club, and I rather pride myself while conveying that, I am a part of such a heritage-us club.

These people graced me with their presence today and thus reigned complete disorder, masti, music, dance and insatiable gossips! It was such a fun-filled day that I just could not restrain myself from posting this :P. But this time almost all of them are out of station, out on the long ramble to Risikesh Haridwar, whereas a handful few of us are here, unfortunately dumped up for not having been able to secure permission for the Ramble. L So we just gathered up for a mini-picnic here at my place today. 

We went out for lunch. Shunning the restaurant that we generally frequent, we went to the next one just to try something new, but just as the odds were against us, the place turned out to be yuck! A waste of good money! We returned home grumbling uselessly. On returning everybody immediately became busy securing cozy places to nap all over the flat. I was the only one left standing with a big Party Pack of cold drink in my hand! Taking advantage of my weapon to lure everyone, I threatened everybody of gulping down the whole bottle [ as if I would have been able to ;) ]. Immediately everybody came to my side, but being a host is difficult! I valiantly stood and saw everybody drinking to their health while I smoothened up the couch and the cushions, host after all! L

 But what followed after that was not the sound of everybody sleeping, but of loud music blaring and everybody dancing contently to the tune! Even I followed suit :P

As the afternoon mellowed towards the evening we went upstairs to the roof and sat atop the water tank from where the whole world seemed to be visible. 

The sky was wonderful with traces of a rainbow, it was simply wonderful. The shredded clouds gradually turned teary eyed as they forsook their frolics and became dark and grumpy, as if indulging my thoughts as the day drew its end. We stared at the setting sun and the colored clouds with rapt attention as the light breeze ruffled our hairs.  The sun set, as did the day. The worst part followed as I ended up shedding tears as I felt alone once again in the almost crumpled up empty flat after everybody had departed!

P.S Forgive me for the photographs being hazy as I did not have proper camera, and these have been taken on my mobile camera. J

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Friday, June 5, 2009


I open the treasured box

Take your wishes in my hand

Turn them over, feel them against my skin

I put them back inside again

And close the box gently.




I unbolt the door to the path,

Intertwine my fingers with your memories

Feel them as they brush against my warm cheek

We walk together for sometime,

I bid you good bye and close the door behind me.




I dress up everyday

Just as you would have liked me to be.

I wait with flowers as the hour of your arrival passes by

I wait patiently and envision your smiling face as you glimpse me

Then I undress and close the door as you forget to turn up.




I dream the dreams over and over again

The ones you gave me

There are so many that I think they will last me forever

Until you think of gifting me new ones again,

I will cherish them



Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Queue up Please!

“Stand in the line [read queue]”, my class teacher snapped.

 She had heard this as a child in school, and the days had been so since. It was line and line and lines everywhere. Lines to the park entry, lines for shopping at the supermarket, lines in electric offices, line for submitting tax, line for admission in school, line for the toilet, line for college admission forms, now-a-days on-‘line’ application, lines in the bus stand, lines to the auto stand, lines for eye-check-up and last not the least lines to the funeral pyre!


It has been a hell of day. I had to stand in the queue on the road for submitting the bill in the office which was on the 1st floor of a tall building.


Had been to Presidency to submit brother’s application form. Just remembered the day when I had been here two years back for my admission. C had started shouting “it’s gone, it fell”, I suddenly saw an admit card bobbing up and down on the street. I was then wading through waist deep water with both my torn slippers slung over my shoulders through the streets of “College Street”. Now I was here again, preparing someone else for a similar test, hoping not in a similar situation!


Neither of the documents to be submitted was attested; so we had to run to Derozio hall to find some professor to attest them. Moreover their was some problem with the application form. The guy at the dispute settlement counter solved it and advised us to head for the Statistics department, where luckily forms were being attested by someone. Unassumingly we headed their, hoping to find some old professor helping the ‘Cows’ in need. ;)

Now begins… We entered and found a guy of our age fidgeting with some forms. I asked him, “Excuse me, can you please tell me where we can possibly get these attested?”. Without looking up he answered, “Give me the forms.”. He went through them and asked me for the originals. Then he asked me for a pen, checked everything out and started signing!

I was stunned, the guy seemed to be a Kid, and he was attesting! That meant he was a professor, and that too in Presidency, one of the heritage institutions! I was clean bowled, so was C. The guy had a deep voice and blue eyes and just of our age. C suffered bouts of “Oh God’s” from then. But I was thankful, “Thank God”, we did not have to stand in a queue to meet the guy :P


We returned to the long long form submission queue. Both of us were silent, possibly figuring out ways to return back to the office and talk to the guy ;) Ultimately, I suggested attesting some more documents, not because I needed them, but because they would be a fine pretext! We did that, and we talked even, this time gathering courage and taking deep breaths to stabilize ourselves before entering the office. :P


Even my headache vanished for the time being, nevertheless we were satisfied, what a cute guy, he couldn’t even make eye-contact, probably nervous in front of two girls; standing in a queue :P


It was a long day, with my head throbbing painfully.



I was in the auto stuck in “queue” in a traffic jam. A cab stopped by us. Their were three people inside, an aged man, an aged woman [probably the man’s wife] and a middle aged man [probably her son]. The old woman was slumped on the backseat with both of them on either sides. As the cab moved forward I saw the middle-aged man put something in her mouth, it was then I realized she was suffering from asthma, she seemed breathless.


Suddenly as the cab moved, an auto came up. A little baby looked up, his face contorted, became pink and he started crying.


Was he crying for the old woman who was on the verge of losing her life whereas he had just stepped in the world and was just next in the queue?

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


You know me like the back of my hand

You know me like the blessed speck of light

You know me since I was a child

You know me more that I do.


When I refuted, you knew I would.

You sheltered me as I cried in grief.

I slipped and fell, you held my hand tight.

You stood outside until I came.


You know me like the sun gives way to the moon.

You know me like the withered leaf falling to the ground.

You know me like the magnified cloth under a drop of water.

You know me like the one who gave me life.


I stood still; you cleared the hurdles that I faced.

As the storm within drowned me, you cried my share.

I hid my face in shame, how did you know I was not guilty?

I persisted; insistence came to suppress my ego.


You color me as green colors the leaves.

You get angry over me never, though I am unstable.

You made my day when my head throbbed and I stopped.

You love me unconditionally, but I returned this never.


You are my life.

You are my dearest “Friend”.


Thank you C and S for being so good to me, and being my dearest friends. This poem is dedicated to the wonderful day you people gifted me today, in spite of the fact that I had to wake up early and run in order to reach their on time; but the movie started and you arrived late so much so that we missed a part of it. ;). Yet the movie was wonderfullll, made me realize our “music, dosti, madness” :P. The food was superb even though the budget was low ;) And the ‘muddy field talk’ was something to remember even though it was too hot to lounge in the sun on a hot summer day :P.  You people rock. :)

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Monday, June 1, 2009


“Somebody very close to you will save your life today”, the astrologer spoke after a long pause.

 “Somebody very close… and me!!”, he stood their for a few moments shaking his head and smiling to himself.



It was raining heavily as he drove along the then empty street to meet her. “She must be drenched…”, he thought aloud.


“Lift Lift”, a girl called out, desperately trying to attract his attention.

“Sure”, he opened the door of the car.


“Hello, I am Nisha”

“Hi, myself Randeep”

“What do you do?”, she asked.

“I am a doctor…”, he replied.

He took her in as she spoke; she was pale but unnaturally beautiful.


He dropped her.

“Thank you very much, I don’t know how I would have got home otherwise. No transport, nothing. By the way, you can just drop by for some coffee, it’s raining and nobody’s at home”, she offered.

“Thank you, but I am late for an appointment”

“It won’t take more than a few minutes”

Reluctantly he accepted her offer.


He sat in the drawing room, surfing channels.

She was changing inside into a short black dress; a sly grin crossed her face.


She entered with the coffee, swaying her slim body provocatively. She could see his flashing eyes.

“Bastards”, she thought, “You can just stay for sometime…”, aloud. “Off course if you are not in a hurry…”, she added softly.

“Sure…”, his cell rang as he uttered the word.


“Where are you? I am getting soaked to my skin here”, came her voice.

“I am on my way darling, just gimme two minutes.”

He hurriedly left the apartment, promising to drop by soon….



He ran across to the car unheeding the rain, unlocked the door and got inside.

Just as he inserted the key in the ignition, the purse beside him attracted his attention.

“Oh, she has forgotten…”, a folded piece of paper was disturbingly sticking out of it.

He unfolded it. It was a medical certificate. The few words scribbled across sent a chill down his spine…


“Name: Nisha Sharma

 Age: 23 years


Confirmed HIV”.

 P.S. Beware of careless contacts. Save yourself from HIV.


This is my second attempt at Fiction, intended to make this a 55 fiction, but unfortunately while framing it up, it became so long, that it became a full story. L

Please do let me know what you think of this, I am looking forward eagerly to your views on my efforts. Incidentally this idea crossed my mind while going through an unknown person’s collection of you-tube videos in Orkut, who had by the by sent me a friend request. Thank you. J




Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P