Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.

Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.
I'm not a perfect person, But I never meant to do those things; And so I have to say before I go, That I just want myself to know. I've found out a reason for me,; To change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know; A reason for all that I do, Before I let you go...

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Overcome...


“Papa”, little Smriti exclaimed joyfully as she spied the car turn the curb into the narrow stretch by the field. She bounded down the stairs as he parked the car. He took her up in his arms and kissed her on the forehead, “I am back my sweet darling, see I am early for you”.

 She kissed him on the cheek and said, “The fair is over papa, they took away the big peacock today”, making a big circle with her hands.

“Oh, that’s sad.”

“Have you brought my chocolate?”

He nodded his head, “Yes I have, but did you behave yourself today? Is mumma home?”

 Her face dropped instantly and she continued in a grave voice, “I have a complaint papa.”

“Complaint…eh?”, he raised his eyebrows.

“Mumma scolded me this morning. I want you to scold mumma for that.”

“Oh, did she scold my little pie?  I will scold her very much, but, by the way why did she scold you?”

She stared at him for a few moments as they headed up the stairs, then gave him an apologetic grin and suddenly jumped, embraced him tight and whispered in his ears , “I did not do my homework”,  burying her face in the nape of his neck.

 Amused at his daughter’s mischievousness, he gave a slight smile.

 

 

“Bye dearie, we will be back soon. Behave yourself. Ok?”, he hugged her tight before setting her down. She waved at him leaning over the stairs as the maid took her in and closed the door.

 

 He walked by the huge ground to the car. The fair had just been over and the ground was fairly empty, save some lone shops which were still being packed up. Rest of it was full of discarded paper and plastic bags, paper plates and discarded cardboard boxes… it was a total mess. This end of the fair had always dismayed him, just as it did to his daughter since his childhood. To him it had always been an end to the erstwhile celebrations and fun. The fair had always delighted him, but now-a-days it was different especially after she conceived. The noise and lights would trouble her no end and she would have no rest. Thankfully it was over, she would be able to rest quietly now.

 

 Work at the office was becoming strenuous day by day as the end of the year approached. Life had ever since been unfair to him. He was always the guinea pig who was being continuously tested upon. An evening of delightful partying had turned into a disaster and since then life had been a living hell. Motherless along with his mentally unstable father had made living a nightmare. He had been the man of the family, a family of a mentally unstable father an eleven year old son! Until off-course, she came and bestowed love in his life like some shining angel out of the stars. Everything was perfect now.

 

 She would be waiting for him at the school, and he was sure she would be tired. The day would definitely stress her out, moreover after all the check ups and the work strain. He had already asked the maid to prepare dinner so that she would be able to rest after they got home.

 

 

  He silently pushed open the door, it creaked disturbingly. The room was pitch dark, save some light filtering through the stained glass windows. It was Friday, and it had been his ritual since ages.

“Father”, he called out silently to the gaunt figure sitting mutely on the bed.

The old man looked up. “You have come again?”, he asked visibly annoyed.

“How are you father?”, he asked.

“Did you bring her along?”.

He stood their silently uncertain of what to say.

“Where is your mother?”, he screamed!

“I have told you before, mamma is no more papa…”, he said earnestly sitting down at his knees.

“Shut up. She is alive, you are lying, I know she is…”, he continues viciously, “…you are hiding her from me…”, he fainted.

 

 He held him in his arms and stared at the calmly agonized face. Father had never been able to come to terms with mamma’s demise. Sometimes he felt irritated of his outbursts and inability to understand…

They were returning from a dinner party. The evening had been delightful with lots of fun and cakes. They are exhausted. Mumma was carrying then, 3 months. He was in the back seat, alone and papa was driving. As they took a bend into the side lane to their house, their was a flash, a screech of brakes and a huge crash. He bumped forward. Mumma screamed. A crowd of faces and a clamor of voices was all he remembered before he sunk into unconsciousness. It had been an angst-ridden existence for him since.

 

“When did you come son?” his father asked. He had recovered consciousness while he was engulfed in ruminating.

“Just now papa. How are you?”

“They are not treating me well, I did not have dinner yesterday…” Complaints. 

He walked back silently through the dark dirt track back to the car. Unlocked the door and got inside. His insides were churning, twisting with agony. He remembered the lullaby’s that momma used to sing while putting him to sleep. The comforting arms and the soothing voice. Had she been here everything would have been all right. He remembered the peace that reigned at home in her presence and the emptiness he used to feel when she was no more. He felt like screaming, “Why did you leave us…?”.

 

The cell flashed. It was she, his wife. “Where are you? I am feeling exhausted…”

Her voice calmed his heated mind. He loved her, loved her more than his life. She had given him everything since, cooled his restless quest… provided him the peace and sanctity of a home, been his friend, wife, mother, partner, it was for her that he had survived.

 

 

 She was waiting, her gaze searching anxiously for the car. She was their, his life.

He opened the door for her as she got in. She pecked him on the cheek… he looked perturbed.

 

“I love you”, he muttered as the car hummed to life.

They sliced through the highway. Cars oozed past, flashing their headlights.

“Your daughter is as mischievous as ever! She complained that you had scolded her and so I should scold you too”, he said.

She laughed gesturing, “You just don’t know what she has been doing these two days. Every time I was scolding her, she was calling you up from her mobile-pencil-box and complaining!”

 

Both of them laughed out aloud. This little fairy had been the focal point of their life since she was born. They had named her “Smriti”, memories with love.  

 

Teasing her he said, “Yes, you should remember whose daughter she is, has to be mischievous”.

They chatted away, his perturbation dissipating.

 

Suddenly, a screech of brakes. She screamed.

 

A huge crowd had gathered. They were taking her out. He stared on mutely. It seemed to be a bad dream.

 

 

He sat quietly on the bed in the pitch dark room, staring blankly into space.

 

 

Fate mocks, destiny screams

You join in the mirth unheeding

Fate plans, destiny undertakes

You play it safe until it breaks

Fate spins, destiny unravels dreams

You gaze on, your world crashing…

 

 

  

This is my really very first attempt at fiction. Please do let me know how you like it, so that I may overcome the short comings that I have made in this first try. Thanks to C and S who helped me a lot in giving the work it’s true essence.


Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

26 comments:

Swetha Padakandla said...

hey, very wel written!!

i got confused in few parts..
bt u have expressed it so wel..

keep going! :)
cheers
swetha

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

Hmmmm...I dint feel it was your first attempt at all..

You started it well and i must say you have ended it too well..

Not a happy ending but it had a realistic approach at the end..:)
When the scene changed, i felt confused, but again it came on track very well..

Good job Diya....:)

Keep going..:)

Cheers

Kido said...

A really good attempt... 1st time? Hard to believe :)

B/w sorry for the delay... Wasn't around for quiet sometime...

Chronicwriter said...

sad end to a lovely start..

that is what that makes great writers..

the twists kinda misled me for once.. but weaved a line
chriz

Anastasia said...

wow! you are really good!
that's a lovely story!
i got kind of confused in parts so i had to read it twice but it was really good.
thanks for commenting on 18 Days!
i deleted the story because i tried editing it a doxen times and i couldn't get it right ):
thanks anyway!
i could learn from a great writer like you (:
keep it up!!

anastasia<3:)

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA said...

Neatly written....good attempt :)

sawan said...

Diya, this was brilliant! touching! all i think now is about the lil angel. how wud she survive?

Anonymous said...

nice attempt... try 2 b more specific... again those mismerising expressions... those well delivered thoughts... bt yes confusing at times... it's jst d begining babes...;)amay dhar de kichhu vocabulry....koris ki kore!!r akta arbit suggestion pictures gulo better utilise korte partis...

Walker said...

This was great and your first attempt too.
Life has its irony.

k.ø.c.h.ü said...

tired n red i was...ENT notes wer too harsh...de brain said...'hey chum u need a break...'...de laptop lit open wid a flash...n popped up yer page...ooo long post...hmmm 'i'll read it' said myself...

'wow...wonderful work' said 'i'...
'hmm...u worked a lot on this work' said 'i'...
'itz a quite perfect piece of creation' said 'i'...

he he...just kiddin... luvly work m8...enjoyed readin it...

Diya said...

@ Swetha
Welcome to my blog, and thanks for visiting and commenting. :)
Glad that you liked it. :)
Thanxx :)

Diya said...

@ Anubhav
I am so glad that you appreciated it.
Thankxx :)

Diya said...

@ Kido
Yeah, was expecting you.
Thanxx dude, do keep visiting. :)

Diya said...

@ Chriz
Great writers, lol...!
ha ha, nevertheless, coming from you thats a great compliment.
Thankxx :)

Diya said...

@ Anastasia
Hey, thanxx for visiting.
Me and great writer, great compliment I must say...! I am myself still learning re :P
Thankxx, do keep visiting, I would love that. :)

PS: That was a nice post you had, y did you delete it? :(

Diya said...

@ Abhik
Thanxx dude. :)

Diya said...

@ Sawan
Guess in the same way her dad did, thats the irony, and thats life.
Thanxx :)

Diya said...

@ Chandrima
It was you who led me to the right plot yaar and you are here at last with all your comments! ;)
Ummm... bout the pics I gave you the reason, and toke dhar? Tui kicchu ideas de amay! :P
Thanxx :)

Diya said...

@ Walker
Yeah, life indeed has itz own way, and itz own irony...!
Thankxx dude. :)

Diya said...

@ Kochu
"de laptop lit open wid a flash...n popped up yer page"
ha ha, that was great, my page popping up. ;)
And you and your Rhyming...! I loved that, and I loved your comment.
Weary of life treading on but some breaks! lol, he he ;) :P
Am so glad that you liked it! :P
Thankxx. :)

Diya said...

@ Chriz
I just cant get through to your blog...! :(
Please gimme the correct link. :(

Brosreview said...

Strictly, as a first attempt, it is fine.

Keep the language in mind more than you are.

Work on the structure and/or style to be more forgiving to your readers.

Also, try to get more specific and add more depth to emotions to encourage the reader to feel the character.

Destiny screams, undertakes and unravels dreams - thoughtfully put! Well, I believe it does to most people.

There is scope for improvement. Keep working on it.

Diya said...

@ Brosereview
Hmmm... that was again! :P
I`ll just clarify everything with you sometime. Thankx for telling me the points. :)
Thankxx. :)

Brosreview said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rozz said...

Hmm nice.. liked the theme.. and well a bit of it was inspired from the airtel ad.. isn't it? :)
jus a couple of things though.. you could hav afforded a bit more detail.. ats ome places the thoughts seem to have rushed ahead of the words...
a lil more attention to how u structure it would work marvel.. the creativity is quite good :)

Diya said...

@ Rozz
Ummm... nops, I haven't seen the add. :P
Thanxx, I will try to keep those in mind in future. :)
Thanxx :)