Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.

Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.
I'm not a perfect person, But I never meant to do those things; And so I have to say before I go, That I just want myself to know. I've found out a reason for me,; To change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know; A reason for all that I do, Before I let you go...

Monday, May 4, 2009

To someone beloved... too close to me, yet so far...


It’s been a long time Didi since I wrote you the last letter. The end of the sophomore year has come up, just having dreams of being a Graduate. Was feeling very lonely the whole day and even hurt my hand badly. You remember how I was prone to falling down and bruising myself as a child, and how you used to hide me from mother so that she would not scold me for hurting myself again? I was reminded of you thus.

 

You remember you had always wanted to be in a very big college and since I dint understand the concept of college then, so you tried to make me understand all of that. Well I would really like to confess one thing now… even though I used to nod my head that I understood everything you said, but really I dint understand anything… I just used to nod my head, because you seemed so pleased when I said that I had understood  :P

 

But Didi, one question has been plaguing me of late. Thought nobody would be able to answer this other than you… Well, when you decided to leave us and end everything… did you never think about how we would feel about this decision of yours or how everybody would cope with your loss? I think you never even gave this a thought. Until now I used to try to come to terms with your separation as a path to ease your pain. But of late, I am feeling very angry with you. I don’t know why, neither do I know if it is logical or not, but it is just that I am feeling angry. Maybe it needed a lot of strength to do what you did, but didn’t you think that you were being selfish? Didn’t you feel that you were being partial by enjoying your life the way you felt, and ending it when you couldn’t bear any more… you never gave a thought about how we would feel, Why?

 

I know, whatever you have done cannot be undone and neither will my grudge bring you back to us, but believe me I couldn’t help expressing this as I am really feeling angry. And I need an answer to my question, by any means. Please.

 

Stay well wherever you are didi. Couldn’t help the grudge against you. Nevertheless I love you. And I am missing you very badly of late; this is becoming more frequent day by day. I don’t have the means to discuss you with anybody but I am feeling the need of having your guidance by my side at this stage of my life. It has been so long since you have left, almost six years. I was too young to understand the intense void that you were creating in me then, I interpreted your separation as some big loss that was occurring to me, but now -a -days I am feeling the urge to discover you again. Discover my old didi once again, you as my mentor in my matured stage…  I try to realize you through my own feelings, but I never seem to get enough of it. Still now I feel that you are just a call away, as you used to be then.

 

Will you please come up and sit beside me? Everybody is tired of making me understand that you won’t be returning anymore, but still now I find it difficult to accept that, though nobody knows about it. Have been encountering so many separations lately that they have been haunting me over and over again. And each of these reminds me of you.  Please stay beside me as you used to. Bye.

 

Yours,

Lil Sis.





P.S.  Today I complete 30 posts of mine and I have already completed 1 month of blogging here. This means a lot to a new-comer as me. Would have been very happy otherwise, but i am not just in the mood to shout and enjoy today. The day has been effectively numbing. Nevertheless I am glad. And I wish to complete as many posts as possible here. So ultimately it is done, 30 grand runs in Blogsphere.


Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

11 comments:

Brosreview said...

This one is quite touching. Good job!!!

Amal Bose said...

that was so touching..
but u should understand one thing, she too would be undergoing the pain of separation as you are. its just part of life.
im sure she will return and be with you one day. dont lose hope.
and congrats for completing 1 month of blogging. :-)

Hemanth Potluri said...

beautiful write up for ur sister...it was soo touching and i just feel the same when i leave my family and go some place...loved it...heartfelt post :)..

urs..hemu..

Princess Sonshu said...

One word: TOUCHING!

Check my blog too...

Princess Sonshu said...

Hey duya my blog is actually the Sneak-a-peek into the mind....one the other is just a story blog

Pallav said...

this really stirred me..
very heartfelt post..
with warm expressions...

just loved it..
hey congo to u..
for 30 post n 1 month...on blogsphere..


kepp writing ..
cheers :)
Pallav

Arnab Majumdar said...

Beautifully written... I loved it. The style of writing it was the best - the letter. Somehow made it so much more personal than a story...

Nicely done. Congrats on completing the 30 posts, keep going :) Cheers...

Mayz said...

i dont kno wat to say...i got a lump in my throat

Diya said...

@ P. Sonshu
I did it intentionally, I liked it more than the other one. Thanks for dropping by, bye. :)

Nags said...

Its a lovely place to share our thoughts and vent no?

Diya said...

Yeah, it sure is :)
Thanxx for visiting :)