Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.

Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.
I'm not a perfect person, But I never meant to do those things; And so I have to say before I go, That I just want myself to know. I've found out a reason for me,; To change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know; A reason for all that I do, Before I let you go...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Washing away the sins it came...

The rain and storm

Wrecked havoc in the earth

Just after you left me devastated…

Sitting motionless by the window she watched the rain flow away in misty spells as the playful wind came chasing. It was early morning, the day she had an exam and it was pouring down in torrents. The field beside the apartment was already a pool with the wind drawing furrows in the mucky water. She had always loved these spells of rain, but now it nauseated her as did the promises.

It was mid-day now, and the rain was still pouring down gleefully. Furrows of concern appeared on her forehead as the time of the exam approached and the rain had still not shown any signs of stopping. Their was not a soul to be seen on the street, not even the stray dogs!

Finally it did not stop; hating it she dressed up in sundaes and went out. It was impossible to open the umbrella as the wind blew it away every time she tried. Gradually the water started seeping down her as she tried to dodge a spray of muddy water when a car sped by. There were neither cars nor buses nor autos available, and it irritated her even more. Ultimately an auto stopped and she got into it. Even that did not offer any respite, rain water sprayed from all sides of the open vehicle causing her to flinch unconsciously. The streets were more or less empty save some people scurrying about for shelter. Even the old beggar by the turning was not their. 

The aurorikshaw-walla did not go as far as her college, he dropped her mid way saying a big tree had uprooted near the university so their was a huge jam and consequently no vehicles could pass. The rain pelted down on her again as she wended her way amongst the scurrying people, now she herself being a part of them, jumping over pools of water.

Getting into the university she felt pleased at herself for having made her way here without any further fuss. But odds were against her today. Just as she approached the department building, a huge tree which had fallen lay blocking her way! Standing their perplexed for sometime, she gradually made her way through it hopping from one spot to another through the muddy tangle. Ultimately she got into the department and heaved a sigh of relief.

People were huddled around the entrance waiting for the rain to mellow down before making their way out to the inviting muddy world. Everywhere everybody was discussing how bad the cyclone had hit the city and how many trees had been uprooted and how many people had been injured or had died. She just wanted to shut out the rain and run away! She hated it. Running up the stairs she met her friends standing before the HOD`s room.

“Hey, the exam has been called off”, one shouted at her as she approached them.

“What, what the hell!”, she exclaimed, “I came betting myself against all odds and the exam has been cancelled”. She felt very angry.

Then continued the tryst with the Head to take the exam.

The discussion went on for a long time; every thing was fixed, again cancelled… Ultimately it was cancelled!

People ran about shouting for everyone to return home by three or to stay back. A red alert had been given after three, and everyone had been forbidden to stay out-doors as the cyclone was predicted to hit even hard after that.

Luckily a friend offered to drop her back home and she graciously accepted the offer.

 

Ultimately, everything ensued she returned back home soaked to the skin, sneezing and feeling feverish. A quick hot bath and warm coffee followed. Everything done for the day, she was back to her place now, with a hot cup of coffee and her favorite story book cuddled up amidst pillows.

She looked out of her window to the chilly wind and pelting rain and saw a guy running for shelter. She smiled, her mind went back to the disgust she had felt while going out and everything she had done till then re-winded itself.

 

Contemplating, she felt happy. It had suddenly struck her that she had not remembered him even once all this time. She felt grateful to the rain once again as she stretched out her hand to catch some of the molten drops…

… It will be hard to get over

I will still forget “you” never

But I will get over you

Get over your “memories” forever.

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feels as if the cyclone has hit me! It has nearly been a week now since the ordeal has been prevailing. It is hard, but it is harder alone. Am missing didi very much now, I need you now! I can just feel how you felt when… C has been a great support, comfort and strength. Thanks, it’s for you that I am stable and sane till now dear. Last exam had been postponed; I am not quite over with the semesters till now, hoping to finish them by the 29th of the month. Meanwhile mumma back home is very upset, my little bro is finally going away to the boarding school. I myself just cant figure out how I’ll return back home and not see him around. Life of late seems to be staggering, staggering with some invisible burden that I seem to be carrying on my shoulders willingly! I don’t even feel sane always, I just don’t feel myself but some body else whom my skin has sheltered, feels as if sometimes I go out of my head, I just don’t know why…


A broken teapot

An ink stained mattress

The pale light seeping in

The half open windows

I sit and stare out aimless

My world was never like this…!

I sleep hour after hour

Motionless emotionless

Everything seems broken

Maybe I exceeded

Limits to my expectations…

Give me some Peace, oh Rain!

This is my first post after the cyclone “Aila” ravaged Kolkata. It has been devastating, the ‘city of joy’, is now joyless with the cyclone claiming the largest number of figures amongst the recent natural calamities, 17 lives with innumerable more injured and several more le
ft homeless. The streets are a sight now along with our university. I felt sad today as I saw the uproote
d trees, some of which lay motionless by the side of the road in sad plight, whereas one of them has fallen breaking the sturdy boundary  along with it! It has been raining again since today evening and it is getting all the more depressing, although I ran upstairs and got wet first! 

Half of the city lay in darkness since then deprived of electricity. Thanks to our phase of connection, I did not have to undergo the trauma of the power cut, but their was no net connectivity, hence comes my delayed post after everything has already passed and everybody is restoring back to normalcy…



Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

19 comments:

Brosreview said...

Nicely written! I like the poems you have inserted in between. I like the imagery you've managed to create via this piece. I felt as if I was a part of it. And, that is a good thing. Keep writing!!!

www.GiveIndia.org said...

Cyclone Aila has caused devastation and massive human suffering in West Bengal. As always, GiveIndia and its partner NGOs are ready to help those in need. Visit

http://www.giveindia.org/give/pledgepage/Aila

to make an easy online donation that is tax deductible if you are a tax payer in India, the US and the UK.

Walker said...

Every storm has a beginning and an end with the rain to wash the mud away leaving only bright skies to stand under

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

I am back...now stop calling me gablu until you tell me what does it mean..:p

I liked it..the struggle, in rain for reaching out for the exam hall...


Ek minute...

I dint understand why that sad part in green font was included..everything was fine till then....

I mean the importance of rain or the theme of rain was pretty much visible.....

you can make another post out of it.. actually..

Well that was my thought....:)

Poems are like add on to you..

you play like anything with them...


good job...

keep writing..:)

Anonymous said...

jst d way u survived d rain and all oder massacres,u wll learn 2 survive all oder hurdles which is no lesser than an aila:-D interesting part is dat the timing of hitting of aila inside ur world and outside ur world coincided!!... whtever happens for for good.. may be kolkata 2 needed this sort of a strom 2 judge it's own position... being a metropotitan dweller dusn't mean tht we can survive all odds... so let d city try 2 bak up and we may hope fr fast recovery of the kolkata spirit... and u 2 bak up as u hve miles 2 go bfore u sleep....

Keshi said...

what can I say but u r an excellent writer Diya! The poems u write hv me in total awe of ur imagination n skills!

Keshi.

comfortably numb said...

Love the way u juxtapose poem n prose 2gether...almost as if the thoughts themselves flow in different formats!!!
nice post...I like the analogy between the storm outside and the one within...but was the inner storm fiction of reality...I hope fiction!!!
traveling to Uni on tht day...must hv been an ordeal, wht exams btw??

Chriz said...

yaarupaa idhu..

is it the same diya?

ivvalavu talentaa?

kudos girl

The Pink Orchid said...

me loved this post..and felt soooooo proud of ya :)

ANWESA said...

its 4 d 1st time i'm comin here.i was touched by the line wen u sed u missed ur di. i'm writing d story n i deeply regret it if it has hurt u.brothers n sisters mean so much.losing them is so much pain.may her soul rest in peace! plz do take gud care of urself coz she wud b sad wen ur sad.i read this post n i felt pain oozing out of every word here.plz giv ur bro lov n support even if he goes 2 a boarding skul.i hope u do exceedingly well in ur xams.lotsa luv.

Diya said...

@ Brosereview
Thats a great compliment you have their dr! :)
Nevertheless I would have liked it had you pointed you the shortcomings in my writing here.
Thankxx :)

Diya said...

@ Walker
But does the rain always manage to wash the mud away completely?
Thankxx :)

Diya said...

@ Anubhav
Welcome back :)
The sad part came along with the Aila, and it is true as the rest of the post. [I don't like to make posts out of my ongoings unless I am too depressed]
Bdw "Gablu" means someone who is chubby, cuddly and innocent, and i found these in you :P
And about the poems, thats a great compliment re! :)
Thankxx :)

Diya said...

@ C
What do I reply to this! No one can understand me better than you, and thats the best comment that I got from someone who knows everything!
Thanxx thanxx thanxx, though I cannot be satisfied with thanking you ever ;)

Diya said...

@ Keshi
Wow! That was some compliment, now I`m beginning to float on cloud nine ;) :P
Thanxx dear. :)

Diya said...

@ Comfortably numb
"everyones fiction is somebody`s reality" :P
Thanxx for complimenting, I accept them humbly;)
Well, my 4th semester end examinations are going on. :)
Thanxx :)

Diya said...

@ Chriz
Ya same if you see me, but diff if you probe ;) :P
You are a master at praising Chriz ;)
Thanxx :)

Diya said...

@ The Pink Orchid
Oh ho, Thanxx dear. :)

Diya said...

@ Anwesa
Hey welcome to my blog and thanxx for visiting and commenting.
Well, I do miss her a lot! Nops, you dint hurt me re, she just came to me while I read that!
And I am really feeling sad about bro and very sorry for mumma, cz nobody will be at home and she`ll be alone. :(
Nevertheless, Thanxx dear.
Do keep visiting. :)