Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.

Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.
I'm not a perfect person, But I never meant to do those things; And so I have to say before I go, That I just want myself to know. I've found out a reason for me,; To change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know; A reason for all that I do, Before I let you go...

Tuesday, March 31, 2009


Ummm… well, in fact… I intended ummm… hmmm… sorry… but please forgive me because am fumbling for proper words to express myself because well, I am writing this post without any purpose just to establish my purpose that I really have no purpose behind writing this excerpt except to prove the fact that a purpose is not always needed to establish a purpose. I am getting damn confused by this lack of purpose of mine behind this purpose. Please forgive me for this aimless purpose of this purpose of mine. This thought first stemmed into my mind while reading a specific lengthy writing by William Wordsworth, in which the poet claims that he had no purpose behind writing! Well the text continues thus…

“…Not that I mean to say, that I always began to write with a distinct purpose formally conceived; but I believe that my habits of meditation have so formed my feelings, as that my descriptions of such objects as strongly excite those feelings, will be found to carry along with them a purpose…”

…now, I did not quote ‘him’ for any specific purpose but just to bring out the fact that I was inspired to this purposeless purpose of mine just by his purposelessness of purpose. Now, after going through these lines of this great poet I just couldn’t come to any conclusion behind the purpose as to why this lengthy purposeless text full of seventeen solid pages of purposeless rantings were being taught to us with the purposeful zeal that no professor ever had behind any text! I just can’t find any purpose as to why to have a purpose behind every ranting of mine, might as well they be purposeless as well! Tired of being a dutiful purposeful child, I now beg to differ from that purpose of mine and resume a life of purposelessness. Now it is posing a dilemma for me as to decide upon the degree of authenticity of this purposeless resolve of mine. Now, it is upto you to judge… that this purposeless purpose of mine that I have resolved to undertake, is this really purposeless? Or isn’t it that I am embarking on this resolve with a definite purpose to be purposeless always?... well… ummm… hmmm sorry… but I am damn confused…!



Sorry, but if you find yourself confused and purposeless after reading this purposeless excerpt then… please go on and read it again, and this time definitely, with a PURPOSE…!


1.29 am, 31st March.

Monday, March 30, 2009

The first shower.

The afternoon presented forth a dark sky which prophesied an oncoming storm and a promise of rain. The thought was welcome after the hot sweltering heat of the day. The first drops of rain in this summer. Although the previous day I had heard people talking about the rain in the early morning… unfortunately I was till then floating in the world of blissful sleep, so just dint have the scope to witness the first shower. So it was indeed my first welcome shower in this season! I sat beside the window waiting for it to come down and give us relief from the heat. The storm seemed to be brewing up menacingly, but nothing happened until I fell asleep. Waking up in the evening I saw that the rain had not occurred even now. As I was preparing to sit down to study, it came… the pitter patter as if a hundred babies were prancing about in joy. Overjoyed I ran to the window and stretched my hand out. A few drops fell on it and an euphoric feeling swept through me as if my sins were flowing out of me to my hand into the water. I sat by the window side sofa and enjoyed the heavenly feeling of the spray coming in and spraying on my face.

It was wonderful… Simply wonderful…!


1.49am, 30th March.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

You thought about it not...

A million burns on my soul.

But still it is you, My soul.

My soul for mine is enough.

The million cuts on you

That inflicted pains

The stained eyes,

Which no reflections catch.

It was a blue moon night

My love, you left me thus

Howling with grief.

Know you not me?

My love, left me to the pain.

I gave you up myself,

But you gave me up.

The blue moon smirked.

You went away

Leaving me disfigured.

The blue moon smiled

A crooked smile.

You looked at it not,

You understood it not,

You thought about it not!


What is that…?

The strange crooked figure

Lying motionless

Under the blue moon.

I stopped him,

To look at the creature

Withering in pain.

Alas! It is you my love!


The blue moon smiled

A avenge reeking smile.

You looked at it not,

You understood it not,

You thought about it not!


Friday, March 27, 2009

Opium Induced.

Seemingly unbelievable things fluttered in the horizon

Everything seemed vague and misty

The faint buzz of something came conspicuously

But this helical disturbing effect

Roaming and revolving spiral and circular

Engulfing throwing me outside its sphere

Seemed to be some crazy dream circuitous in demeanor

Seemed strangely soothing

The head felt heavy as if full of lead

Even the eyelids wouldn’t flutter

The slumber seemed to have crept into me

In a fashion as never before

With no intention of leaving me.

I turned and tossed tried to get up

But useless as it was, I couldn’t

I seemed to hallucinate

Even the awakening seemed as if resurrection

From the land of the dead

The effect was perfect and heavy

Even though the head was heavy

My mind seemed to flutter

As if giving vent in wings

The opium had taken its toll

The blue-shirt guy was true

This effortless snort with a couple of coughs

Was priceless indeed in effect

All worries seemed to have vanished

I was the free innocent child

As had been in childhood

The initial rent less trauma seemed to have vanished

All was false

Everything a myth, the earth

The people, all artificial

The tensions… just some white powder

The ultimate peace

Oh, I just need some more…