Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.

Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.
I'm not a perfect person, But I never meant to do those things; And so I have to say before I go, That I just want myself to know. I've found out a reason for me,; To change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know; A reason for all that I do, Before I let you go...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Eternal Repose.

You left many a pleasure,

You left many a work,

Are they for us to complete?

You left many a hearts empty,

You left many in tears,

You left many with memories;

What did you take with you then?

A coffin of reminisces you lie now,

A basket-full of memories.

You maybe are over with giving;

But did we ask you to go?

You never asked me for a bit,

Come I will give you the final rites now;

Did you leave us because you wanted these?

From me

My younger-grandfather.


I had seen it roaming about

I had seen it on the road

It was clear to me even in day light

As it lingered around me in the night.

Never had it haunted our peaceful place

Save one stray morning tragically

Snatching away somebody dear

To exist in some unknown heaven.

Since then I had not forgotten its ghastly face

Until this fine July morning

It showed the face under that hood again

To take the road until the end, its death.


How can I reach you now?

How can I but say what she spake?

Somebody wants you so much now;

That she can put her life at stake.

For you she had lived,

For you she held onto the sway.

And for you she had bore;

All the storms on the way.

She is hapless now,

A mass of misery and mourning;

She just wants to be with you;

Can you just visit her, one fine morning?

For you she will live,

For you will she strive to reach the shore;

Crossing all miseries and insults,

For the happiness you for her had left spread ashore.

My younger grand pa expired today morning. It is gloomy once again!

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The killing Instincts of the Ball!

Show me your sprinting skills… You are divided into two groups, the Red’s vs. The Blues; I want to see which team gives the most passes… Red card! Red card... Hey you, come up here! Show me your dribbling skills… Chill! Give him some water… Very Good Very good… The trial was over.

I realized my brother had Attitude!

The ball, taming it down… the looks, the stunts… his four laps over before the opponent had completed two… the killing instincts with his weapon, the ball! That’s called ATTITUDE Man!

I had never seen him that way. But that day, hearing him say “I am always fit!” and then standing by the huge field against the sultry wind, I began understanding football, I began understanding him, amazed at the way he had grown up from that little biting mischievous boy to this football champ, understanding… yeah everybody grows up, grows up to be some fine tall handsome dude who comes up to me and asks, “So… how was it didi?”. As usual we exchanged winks [you blew ‘em up ;)], as had been the code since childhood, as far as I can remember!

It was his sports trial for admission to science at JU. Results are due on the 30th or 31st of this month. I just wish for the day when both he and I will be in the same university. Hoping the best for him. J

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Friday, July 24, 2009


The spell broke one misty morning

Quite differently from the deep night

The journey had started in.

Though moonlight had flooded in between

But paths in darkness had been written since.

Had the night lasted longer

I would have cherished the dream forever.

But the fairy had lost her way again

Maybe to some closed eye lid

Wherein no light had inhabited before.

Something became past then

Fossilized in memories and nights therein.

Something in the deep dark night died

Untangling all ties something broke away

Maybe forever…

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Halcyon days.

“I feel ashamed to say this, but if you don’t listen to me then I will commit suicide, understood? Over the years you have robbed our home of its peaceful atmosphere, and have made it a place for everybody to cringe in your fear. You know when my friends speak of their parents I simply have a lump in my throat, just because my home has always been so so very different from them. Why do you do this papa? Why?”

Typing out the words with tears steaming down her cheeks Dimy pressed ‘send’ with a certain forcefulness and certainty. This should not go on for long, mumma crying on the phone everyday unable to bear whatever dad meted out on her. She had never had the audacity to speak out before him, but this thing was trying. Dimy could not bear this anymore. Staying away from them she could neither do anything to resolve nor bear her mothers pain. Something had to be done.

She called up his phone number once again, “I want to speak to mumma”.

“Did you just send me a mail?”

“I want to speak to mumma”

“Answer me first”, he snapped.

“I want to speak to mumma”, she shouted and disconnected the phone.

She envied her friends when they jumped on seeing her parents during the summer holidays; for her these had always been very formal occasions when you were supposed to behave and speak politely.

“You did not let me speak to my mumma; I’ll do whatever I have to. Good night.”, she sent another mail.

The bell rang for dinner, but she had no appetite today.

Ring…! Came a call from papa’s cell phone. But she knew what to do. She silenced the little intruder, turned her back and buried her face in the pillow. She just wanted to go away, away with her mumma, away from the monster that had visited her home, “home” since ages!

Please give these children a better childhood.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Saturday, July 18, 2009


Offer him a world to arouse;

Give it, give it, give it now,

It’s the end unless you unburden

The nights off its shoulder.

How long will it turn back?

Pull it, pull it, pull it up

Don’t let it sink back again

Down, down into the dark hole.

Its turning, turning turning,

Stop it, stop it and let it stand;

But let it burn ablaze to customary

Unless it gets its past back again.

How long will I suffer this way?

Forever returning back to the darkness;

Losing you always on the way.

How long, how long will you take my reason away?

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

To the flickering light...

It’s a new day, a new beginning to many things. For me it’s a new year, it’s my birthday. But it feels strange, because it’s a day to celebrate. But I am here alone, amidst the crowd. Just wanted to do something different today. “AA” had tagged me long back, and I decided to do the tag as it had been left undone for so many days.

Last day on Earth…... Tagged.

It is not the end.

It is the beginning

To the dawn of the new life

Beyond the shroud

To a land often dreamt of

To welcoming arms

Often feared and loathed

But involuntarily embraced

As we step into life

Unconsciously moving towards the end.

Death to me had never meant the end. But it had meant separation. I had never feared the darkness behind the closed eyes, but had feared the tears on the open ones. Since it is my birthday today so instinctively didi tugs me at the back of my mind, she from this shrouded land calls me to her. So do I have anything to fear, isn’t she there to take care of me? Just as I find comfort thinking about C and her presence when I am late for college, this seems to a similar case; except that it is not college, but somewhere beyond death from where you never return.

I remember having a chat with didi longgg back, so much so that I don’t even clearly remember the conversation. But yes, it was a warm summer afternoon and we were alone, supposedly sent to sleep. I was most probably in nursery and didi in class two! Maybe I wouldn’t have remembered this conversation, but after she left us this chat of ours had come back to me intermittently, perhaps just from the time I began to equate death with her.

But situations are different now. It is no more those blissful days that I am secure under, but especially after this vacation I feel that the land around me has become somewhat alien. The four members of our family has been scattered by some catastrophe to four corners of some unknown land. So if I come to know that I have just 24 hours more to live, then maybe I wouldn’t even have the time to have my mumma, papa and brother together and see their faces for one last time. And maybe I would not have an option but to tell mumma papa about this, because otherwise maybe I would lie lifeless here in this empty house, without even anybody coming to know what has happened to me. But I would at first write a letter to my little bro and ask him to take care of mumma papa. And I would also leave behind whatever I have to my brother, and I love you cutie. Next I would like to just run into mumma’s arms once I get to see her because maybe I am the only one who knows how much I miss her! Then I would just go to college and behave as naturally as possible with all my acquaintances, making sure that I meet more or less everyone to whom I matter or who matters to me so that I would not miss them after I die. Then I would call up my grandma and aunties, for I know they would carry the burden of not being able to speak to me for the last time through out their lives if I don’t do this. I know that not everybody would be grieved on my death; rather a handful would be very shocked and sad, while some may be happy even. For the former ones, I would always be with you; nothing can do us apart. While for the rest, please take care of yourselves. Last but not the least I would like to stare out of the window by my bed out to the rising sun, silently welcoming the dawn to my new life, where it would again be me, and me, nobody else.

Thank you for tagging me. I do have the task of tagging fellow bloggers up here. But more or less everybody on my blogroll has done this tag. So I am specifically not mentioning any names, but anybody and everybody who drops by here and happens not to have done this tag, can do it.

And a Birthday…

I turn 19 today. It is the 15th of July, and well today starts a new year of my life. I am another year older. I have no idea what this year has in store for me. But I would like to confess to the previous 18th year, ‘You did make me a woman, somebody who was not me to someone who has accepted herself now. I cherish the blessings, or can those be called curses that you had surprised me with one fine day. Thank you for the sudden mirage to the actual image that you showed me.’ And to all my fellow bloggers ‘I am back’.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P