Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.

Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.
I'm not a perfect person, But I never meant to do those things; And so I have to say before I go, That I just want myself to know. I've found out a reason for me,; To change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know; A reason for all that I do, Before I let you go...

Saturday, May 16, 2009


It’s gradually becoming darker and darker outside as the heavy dark clouds crowd above the already soggy field. Then comes down the rain, at first soft, then torrential, frightening. It felt wonderful at first and I went to sleep, taking advantage of the cool weather. Now it is completely dark and I cannot see anything. I am feeling lost, lost in the dark cold maze.  I hate the rain, I miss the summer. This stark coldness creeps in; I hate the indifferent stillness of the air when it hits me sharp on the face. I hate its vigorous movement as it moves about in its quest for destruction. I miss the warmth of the summer, the breeze that beckons outside as the sky smiles cloudless, its caresses, and its softness. The room is feeling very stuffy now, I am feeling suffocated. I don’t know what it is, but I am feeling ill. A feeling of some deep consciousness heaves inside my breast, I feel as if I am carrying some guilty secret within me. I am feeling sick again. The past few days had been a nightmare. Mumma was here yesterday, but she is not today. She will be very worried if she knows I am alone and ill again, so I’ve got no-body to share this. But I am feeling desperately sick again, my insides are churning me out of me, I need somebody desperately to talk my heart out. I need somebody by my side. This reminds me of the days he used to stay beside me literally every hour of the day, but it is tomorrow today. I am tired of pleading, now just getting used to nothingness… but this is costing me myself now. Even didi is not here. I am missing her desperately now.  She was upset today, unable to retain her unusual composure that she generally shields herself up with. I feel like crying my heart out to myself, as it is nobody can provide the solace which I need from me now. A lonely child of two disparate parents, Oh! I am tired of exploring the dark realms within myself; I need to dispel this darkness reigning within me. I found myself fumbling even during the exam; I found myself at loss of words, a thing not my trait. The rumbling thunder interrupts my thoughts as I fight desperately to warm myself with coffee and fill myself with warm music, but everything seems futile… I am gradually becoming empty again. A deep void steals the world out of me, and this stark coldness seems to strip off the little warmth that I had until now, this darkness pains; its killing me!




Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

18 comments:

rabbit said...

kya ho gaya hai tereko balika...
u need another session from me.

we are always here...just ping...

take care

Diya said...

@ Vikram
Ya, I really need it. I am hating it...!!
BDW, Tu rabbit kab se ban gaya? Tu toh chuha tha na? :P

arijit said...

kiddo!

Arnab Majumdar said...

Hey... here's hoping tht u feel better soon... take care :)

rabbit said...

chuha me??? haha
i was the bond ...
and now i am the wide- eyed rabbit
:D

Brosreview said...

The weather controls our mood-sets so much. I have noticed it in many. Sunshine is what all hate it when they have it. You know, the sweatiness, bad odour and pricking sun ray. But, once, devoid of it, they miss it the most. Strange! Neatly written.

Chronicwriter said...

mail me.. if i cud help, i could help.. words might be soothing i hope

chriz

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA said...

hey, i get d feeling that u r not in d best of moods ...I hope u feel better soon and cheer up :) btw lovely,dark n neat writing :)

Mayz said...

jus too much sadness in ur posts lately...a sense of emptiness seems to b creepin inside ya...keep it away kiddo...nothin, n i mean nothin shud replace a smile...its too precious...

i kno words r not ur best frenz rite now but neither r tears

sanely insane said...

i have this reputation for having a good pair of ears...u might wanna test this myth :)

Diya said...

@ Arijit
Nops, no validation for that :P
Thanx. :)

Diya said...

@ AM
Thanx :)

Diya said...

@ Rabbit
Kya hua bhai? Carrot nahi mila? Name change karna pada? ;) :P

Diya said...

@ Brosereview
Yes it does...
Thanx :)

Diya said...

@ Chriz
Your post was enough Dude! :)
Thanx :)

Diya said...

@ Abhik
Thanx :)

Diya said...

@ Mayz
I`ll try.
Thanx :)

Diya said...

@ Sanely Insane
I`ll definitely dude, no worries ;)
Thanx :)