Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.

Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.
I'm not a perfect person, But I never meant to do those things; And so I have to say before I go, That I just want myself to know. I've found out a reason for me,; To change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know; A reason for all that I do, Before I let you go...

Friday, April 3, 2009

To someone beloved... too close to me yet so far...

                      It has been a long time didi since I have heard from you. Even now when I think about you I feel as if you are still here, just around me and that you are just waiting for me to call you up, and you will come.

        You know, it has been a long time since anybody in the house has uttered your name.

        You seem to be a forbidden thought but a dark memory to everyone in the house… a scar to everybody’s memory.

        I still remember the 1st of November, 2003. Just feels strange to even think that it has been 6 years since you left us, me.

        You know, even now I remember your scent, the way you used to keep your hair on one side of your face, your fruitless attempts to dress me up beautifully as I always smudged up my eye-liner. The way you used to dress up carefully and meticulously during the pujas. The way you used to laugh and make everybody laugh along with you. You had always seemed to fill up the household with your presence whenever you came. Do you remember didi the way you used to assure me whenever I had any problems?

         I still remember your last illness… the way you withered when you were in pain and my helplessness when I could not comfort you in anyway! Your worries, your pains didi, I didn’t understand before… But now I do, every moment I realize the trauma you went through.

It has been a long time didi since we have spoken heart to heart. Do you remember the makeup box that you wanted to have, just like mine? Believe me I have till now kept aside that box for you, since you liked it and in case you come back someday and want to dress up again.

         But why don’t you come back? Since class IX I’ve just been feeling that you are just a call away from me, but you know why I haven’t called you? Because I fear my call will be left unanswered, I didn’t have the strength to call up loudly or even scream your name loudly, as I used to since that fateful day when mumma said that you had left us!

Even now when I face problems, do you know for whom I yearn the most? It is you di, its u.

         Uncle and Aunty have left the house that you used to live in, just to get rid of your haunting memories… but till now whenever I pass that way, I never never ever forget to sneak a peek towards that beloved house of yours.

         Don’t you worry didi; you will always be ever precious to me as you had been before.

        You know one day when grandma and mumma were talking, grandma remarked that girls in our family never stay. And mumma got very angry on hearing this. Is this true di? Shall I go to you ever? And once you know mama… Nops leave it, I will tell everything to you when you come down… I have sooo mannny things to tell you.

         But mumma says you will never come back… will you never di? Why did you leave us di? Di it is late, I will have to end here now… But I am taking this last chance to say good bye to you “Didi”, because I have no one to call a real “didi” of mine. So won’t have the chance to address “didi” to anyone… So am taking this last chance to say “didi” to u… “Didi I really love you didi, a lott.”


3.08 am, 29th March.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

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