Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.

Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.
I'm not a perfect person, But I never meant to do those things; And so I have to say before I go, That I just want myself to know. I've found out a reason for me,; To change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know; A reason for all that I do, Before I let you go...

Friday, April 24, 2009

Her World.

It was again after a long time that the net was creating problems. It was frustrating sometimes, staying alone.

 She buried her face in the pillow and streams rained out. It was after a long time, she cried. It was almost midnight and everything was dead silent, except for the music playing softly “What I want is what I have got”!

 It seemed to be one of the most contradictory sessions of her life. Everything around her was perfect; in fact it was supposedly the most harmonized time of her life, which was in an upheaval till now. The perfect time to sing, “What I want is what I have got”. Instead she was their, sprawled out on the huge bed, face buried in the pillow, crying her heart out. She just felt so.

 She had not spoken to him for four days, she did not know why! He was sick when she had last spoken to him. But he would never understand her worries… Studies were going haystack…! Even ‘he’ dint seem to care. Everyone seemed to be using her. Using for their own benefit. The world seemed to be full of nice friends, but here she was crying her heart out when nobody even had a wisp of that! Everybody seemed to care for her, her existence… one asked for her birthday gift, another to accompany her for shopping, while somebody asked her to come to college to borrow a book from her, while others called her up because they were frustrated or were feeling lonely or because they did not have any work. Nevertheless she cared little for their intentions, to spare her from feeling lonely she loved to speak. Still, she was maybe one of the quietest persons on earth, for, for the better part of the day she was alone, alone with her work, solitude and music accompanying incessantly. Other times ‘accompanying others’ because they needed her.

 Striving to cheer up her lone self she though; Yes, everybody indeed cares, for this lone existence.

 Tired of crying so long, her head ached and so did her heart. She took the pen, turned to the last page of her notebook and started penning down her thoughts…

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P


Brosreview said...

This is touching!!! A lot of self-reflection, I detect but I hope not.

Solitude tends to get quite haunting sometimes. While moderate, it helps contemplate over serious and personal issues with ethics on board. But, when solitude crosses that line, then it tends to become self-destructive. Snap out of it!!!

Oh, I so get it; the number of inconsiderate pricks are steadily increasing as I write this. But, that's how the world is. People fear helping others either in the fear of getting too involved OR because they are on safe mode; minding their own business and even more (I can go on and on).

Why doesn't the female take it in another angle? That is, her friends are taking her around to do something different because they don't want to disappoint her by talking about something sad. Deviating from the main topic prevents from thinking over sad situations and feeling sad and bad. Don't you think so?

Well, you've written this quite well. One tiny thing though:
"Instead she was their"- shouldn't this be - instead she was there.

Keep writing!!!

Pallav said...

Diya...wht to say..but wud like to tell u in hv benn through with ths phase n only i can understnad the pain.
i wanna tell u, actually nobody has helped me to come out from all ths...instead of God..
wen i was going through wid all ths i use to smile fakely to just show n pretend tht i m happy..
today too sometime....i think for the same ,, n yes it is awful, tearful, terrible for me to go back n see..
but now i hv started thinking n looking from odr aspect..

earnestly written.. n it stirred me...

Chriz said...

you have taken much effort in drawing out the lines.. great work with word play...

and at times like this you need a drink to celebrate


droL said...

Like her world, at some points in my life I'm also lost in my own solitude...sometimes Im alone and sad, sometimes I'm alone but happy.

Thank you for this wonderful piece, Diya!

oo7 said...

diya here's one for you...
when i am that low
angels come to me
without warning
and wake me
lighting my heart
and lifting me up

they never say or do much
or present themselves as such
they leave as abruptly as they appear
they are discreet
and i have yet to encounter one
wearing white

but they sure do fucking shine!
and it's aways undeniable
that i've been touched,
looked after,
by the renewed hope in my heart
and the tears
washing the dirt from my face

my angels
are cab drivers
of all ethnicities
overflowing with wisdom
and drifters crippled
bearing honesty and kindness
in it's PUREST
my angels are quick and beautiful
and when i am low
they change my life
every time
i have had seen the same phase as you and trust me take it as experience.IT make u stronger.Have fun dear...njoy life...

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

Well what can i say to such a touching post...:)

i have been going through such a stage few days ago and i can really relate myself very well with this post...

When i was going through all this, i stopped writing myu diary for days cuz all my diary was getting filled up with that person... hence i stopped writing it and hoping for a day when i can start a new day in my life..:))

i appreciate the way yuou played with words here in this post..

good work...:)


Diya said...

@ Brosereview
Again one of your long long comments :P
I would have loved you to go on though ;)
Yes, the girl could have thought on a different note, deviating from the main issue... But is it always possible to deviate?
And yes, I rewrote that word twice before zeroing out on that one, Was actually so dazed at that point of time...! Neways thanks for notifying me. :)
Well, this was indeed self-reflecting and solitude would not have been able to grasp us had we been able to snap out of it. isn't it?
Thanks :)

Diya said...

@ Pallav
Thanks, do keep visiting :)

Diya said...

@ Chriz
Yeah, Cheers :)

Diya said...

@ Drol
You are welcome dear :)

Diya said...

@ 007
Hey, that was a wonderful thought. Yeah, still getting stronger ;)
Thanks :)

Diya said...

@ Anubhav
Thanks :)

arijit said...

very well expressed...kudos!

Diya said...

@ arijit
Thanks for visiting my blog :)
Do visit.
Thankss :)

Anonymous said...

..we r with everybody coz we need everybody..jst 2 put up with our own loneliness..did u ever think tht why ur frnds always choose u?becoz they kno its u who can provide them with whtever they want..the hnest fact is mst of d people stay here wid ur d 1 who can stanby alon and so they thnk u can hve a spare time 2 waste fr dem...we all r used,s jst tht u hve words 2 express bt they dont hve dat possitive yaarr..aisa nahi sochna chahiye..u r d bst..and thse who uses u they r not as gud as u r..

Diya said...

@ Anonymous
Yeah, gotcha.
You got the point perfectly.
Thats what happens always.
Neways, thanks for visiting my blog, and thanks for commenting.:)