To the flickering light...

It’s a new day, a new beginning to many things. For me it’s a new year, it’s my birthday. But it feels strange, because it’s a day to celebrate. But I am here alone, amidst the crowd. Just wanted to do something different today. “AA” had tagged me long back, and I decided to do the tag as it had been left undone for so many days.

Last day on Earth…... Tagged.

It is not the end.

It is the beginning

To the dawn of the new life

Beyond the shroud

To a land often dreamt of

To welcoming arms

Often feared and loathed

But involuntarily embraced

As we step into life

Unconsciously moving towards the end.

Death to me had never meant the end. But it had meant separation. I had never feared the darkness behind the closed eyes, but had feared the tears on the open ones. Since it is my birthday today so instinctively didi tugs me at the back of my mind, she from this shrouded land calls me to her. So do I have anything to fear, isn’t she there to take care of me? Just as I find comfort thinking about C and her presence when I am late for college, this seems to a similar case; except that it is not college, but somewhere beyond death from where you never return.

I remember having a chat with didi longgg back, so much so that I don’t even clearly remember the conversation. But yes, it was a warm summer afternoon and we were alone, supposedly sent to sleep. I was most probably in nursery and didi in class two! Maybe I wouldn’t have remembered this conversation, but after she left us this chat of ours had come back to me intermittently, perhaps just from the time I began to equate death with her.

But situations are different now. It is no more those blissful days that I am secure under, but especially after this vacation I feel that the land around me has become somewhat alien. The four members of our family has been scattered by some catastrophe to four corners of some unknown land. So if I come to know that I have just 24 hours more to live, then maybe I wouldn’t even have the time to have my mumma, papa and brother together and see their faces for one last time. And maybe I would not have an option but to tell mumma papa about this, because otherwise maybe I would lie lifeless here in this empty house, without even anybody coming to know what has happened to me. But I would at first write a letter to my little bro and ask him to take care of mumma papa. And I would also leave behind whatever I have to my brother, and I love you cutie. Next I would like to just run into mumma’s arms once I get to see her because maybe I am the only one who knows how much I miss her! Then I would just go to college and behave as naturally as possible with all my acquaintances, making sure that I meet more or less everyone to whom I matter or who matters to me so that I would not miss them after I die. Then I would call up my grandma and aunties, for I know they would carry the burden of not being able to speak to me for the last time through out their lives if I don’t do this. I know that not everybody would be grieved on my death; rather a handful would be very shocked and sad, while some may be happy even. For the former ones, I would always be with you; nothing can do us apart. While for the rest, please take care of yourselves. Last but not the least I would like to stare out of the window by my bed out to the rising sun, silently welcoming the dawn to my new life, where it would again be me, and me, nobody else.

Thank you for tagging me. I do have the task of tagging fellow bloggers up here. But more or less everybody on my blogroll has done this tag. So I am specifically not mentioning any names, but anybody and everybody who drops by here and happens not to have done this tag, can do it.

And a Birthday…

I turn 19 today. It is the 15^th of July, and well today starts a new year of my life. I am another year older. I have no idea what this year has in store for me. But I would like to confess to the previous 18^th year, ‘You did make me a woman, somebody who was not me to someone who has accepted herself now. I cherish the blessings, or can those be called curses that you had surprised me with one fine day. Thank you for the sudden mirage to the actual image that you showed me.’ And to all my fellow bloggers ‘I am back’.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P