Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.

Insanely sane… Surviving qualmless.
I'm not a perfect person, But I never meant to do those things; And so I have to say before I go, That I just want myself to know. I've found out a reason for me,; To change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know; A reason for all that I do, Before I let you go...

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

To the flickering light...

It’s a new day, a new beginning to many things. For me it’s a new year, it’s my birthday. But it feels strange, because it’s a day to celebrate. But I am here alone, amidst the crowd. Just wanted to do something different today. “AA” had tagged me long back, and I decided to do the tag as it had been left undone for so many days.

Last day on Earth…... Tagged.

It is not the end.

It is the beginning

To the dawn of the new life

Beyond the shroud

To a land often dreamt of

To welcoming arms

Often feared and loathed

But involuntarily embraced

As we step into life

Unconsciously moving towards the end.

Death to me had never meant the end. But it had meant separation. I had never feared the darkness behind the closed eyes, but had feared the tears on the open ones. Since it is my birthday today so instinctively didi tugs me at the back of my mind, she from this shrouded land calls me to her. So do I have anything to fear, isn’t she there to take care of me? Just as I find comfort thinking about C and her presence when I am late for college, this seems to a similar case; except that it is not college, but somewhere beyond death from where you never return.

I remember having a chat with didi longgg back, so much so that I don’t even clearly remember the conversation. But yes, it was a warm summer afternoon and we were alone, supposedly sent to sleep. I was most probably in nursery and didi in class two! Maybe I wouldn’t have remembered this conversation, but after she left us this chat of ours had come back to me intermittently, perhaps just from the time I began to equate death with her.

But situations are different now. It is no more those blissful days that I am secure under, but especially after this vacation I feel that the land around me has become somewhat alien. The four members of our family has been scattered by some catastrophe to four corners of some unknown land. So if I come to know that I have just 24 hours more to live, then maybe I wouldn’t even have the time to have my mumma, papa and brother together and see their faces for one last time. And maybe I would not have an option but to tell mumma papa about this, because otherwise maybe I would lie lifeless here in this empty house, without even anybody coming to know what has happened to me. But I would at first write a letter to my little bro and ask him to take care of mumma papa. And I would also leave behind whatever I have to my brother, and I love you cutie. Next I would like to just run into mumma’s arms once I get to see her because maybe I am the only one who knows how much I miss her! Then I would just go to college and behave as naturally as possible with all my acquaintances, making sure that I meet more or less everyone to whom I matter or who matters to me so that I would not miss them after I die. Then I would call up my grandma and aunties, for I know they would carry the burden of not being able to speak to me for the last time through out their lives if I don’t do this. I know that not everybody would be grieved on my death; rather a handful would be very shocked and sad, while some may be happy even. For the former ones, I would always be with you; nothing can do us apart. While for the rest, please take care of yourselves. Last but not the least I would like to stare out of the window by my bed out to the rising sun, silently welcoming the dawn to my new life, where it would again be me, and me, nobody else.

Thank you for tagging me. I do have the task of tagging fellow bloggers up here. But more or less everybody on my blogroll has done this tag. So I am specifically not mentioning any names, but anybody and everybody who drops by here and happens not to have done this tag, can do it.

And a Birthday…

I turn 19 today. It is the 15th of July, and well today starts a new year of my life. I am another year older. I have no idea what this year has in store for me. But I would like to confess to the previous 18th year, ‘You did make me a woman, somebody who was not me to someone who has accepted herself now. I cherish the blessings, or can those be called curses that you had surprised me with one fine day. Thank you for the sudden mirage to the actual image that you showed me.’ And to all my fellow bloggers ‘I am back’.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P


Hemanth Potluri said...

first of all Happy Birthday Diya ..loads of love..may u have all the wishes fulfilled in life :)....and yes i do need a party :)...


Hemanth Potluri said...

last day of life spending with the loved ones its awesome way for the 24hrs..:)...u have done the tag beautifully diya :)..anyways its not ur last day...u will have many wonderful years ahead...

once again a Happy Birthday :)..


Mahesh Sindbandge said...

First of all manymany happy returns of the day :-) Wish you a great year ahead.

Secondly welcome back. many bloggers would have missed you very much( at least i did it for sure :-) )

This tag takes out the "Jaan"> even it made you senti senti....anyways keep writing from now :-)


Brosreview said...

Happy Birthday! Welcome back! You've returned with a bang for sure. Keep at it!

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

Happy birthday! I hope you had a great day! Nice write-up! :-)

comfortably numb said...

Many happy reruns of the day dear:)
njoy the last year of teens (tryin to make u feel old:D)
Welcomo back:)

Amal Bose said...

im a bit late, but i hope you had a wonder birthday...
and nice tag too..
take care and keep smiling :-)

Diya said...

@ Hemu
Thank you sooo mucch dear :)
Yeah u`ll surely have a party :)
Thank you.

Diya said...

@ Anubhav
Thank you sooo muccch Gablu! Am really back for you, even feels good to learn that somebody did miss me. :P
Than you once again! :)

Diya said...

@ Brosreview
Thank you sooo mucch AJ! :)

Diya said...

@ Raaji
Thank you sooo mucch dear, yeah I indeed had a great day! And please do the tag if you haven't done it. :)

Diya said...

@ Comfortably numb
Uhho! Trying 2 make me feel old! Huh!
Nevertheless Thank you sooo mucch!

Diya said...

@ AB
Nevermind ur late!
Thank you so muccch for the wish :)

Walker said...

Happy Birthday!!!!!!
OK I'm late but I just got back myself.

Death is something we fear because it is the unknown.
I have died twice and I dont know anything other than I came back and lived some more

Diya said...

@ Walker
Hey dude, that is wished me the greatest thing... Thankk you soo mucch.
Y what happened again re? Hope ur fine dear. :)
Thankxx. :)

Anonymous said...

motir khali sentu r sentu:)... nevertheless nic 1... bt u kno after confrontating d fact that u wll jst hve 24 hrs 2 live i doubt whether u can react so calmly!!! it's easy 2 picturise d day in imagination bt it's a really a tough game in reality!

Aniket said...

Belated Happy Birthday. Sorry took some time to get here. Been hellua busy because of the contest.

Aherm... you are just 19??? So much talent at such young age. And I thought I was the young one around here. :D :D

You shouldn't be thinking of death and all at such an age.

I find my death to be quite fascinating topic to think about and nothing remotely sad comes to my mind. So its ok for me I guess. But you shouldn't be gloomy, not on your b'day. But since, I'm already late to the party, so no more gyan just wishes and luck.
:D :D

Welcome back... you have a long way to go young lady!

Diya said...

@ C
Hmmm, u gt me thinking again!

Diya said...

@ Aniket
Thankkk you soo mucch for the wish! It may be late, but Im happy nevertheless. :)
Well about other things I`ve no idea, nd about talent... ahem ahem! :P