INsanely sane... Surviving qualmless.

A Story to the end.

2009-09-23T23:07:00.003+05:30

To you,

I created you in the dead of night

When the rain tapped hard on the sill

And the winds creaked the old hinges.

From an ominous birth

You brought me peace,

As I had tossed and turned;

Unable to relieve myself of nightmares.

But I have had enough of you now.

You may term it as betrayal; as,

After having shared endless nights together

I seem to be no longer interested in you.

But I fought, to make you better, and the best

Withstanding many criticisms and comparisons

‘Selling’ myself to you as I vent out depressions.

But, the end had to arrive someday,

And it has now, maybe

This is your end, the end

My blog.

This is my last post here. I may delete my beloved Blog, or it may be here if I can’t gather enough strength to do so, but this is my last post here. I have spent many wonderful moments here, and I had loved the space to the extent, that I felt I was leaving someone behind when I last went out of station. But some reasons, valid to me, have left me with doubts about my reason to blog. My last post had triggered people to think that I was “selling” [precisely the term used] myself, my stories in order to gain sympathy and I was being too individualistic and thinking only about myself, leading me to ponder over my intentions. If venting out my frustrations can be termed thus, then maybe my other posts were so too, as I had parts of only me shattered all over here. Reading your comments on my last post I had really wondered about how friends could really make a difference and I was really cheerful, but this sudden respected opinion has left me in fits of doubt and depression, triggering me to take this decision. I wondered if this was the ultimate thing that people has construed about me all through these days. I am really very sad to leave my friends out here, with whom I have really been very close over the last few months, but I am really very sorry, I can’t go on like this. I don’t know if I will ever be back here, but I have indeed lost my initial attachment here.

So, everybody out here Have a very happy and safe Puja and enjoy. Bbye.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Nothing at all!

2009-09-05T02:28:00.005+05:30

Nothing comes to me when I sit silently staring at the blank word document in front of me. But throughout the day thoughts keep passing in and out intermittently, as I sit quietly, head bowed to the book on which I cannot concentrate, yet to which I cling with uncanny irrelativeness, sensing a personal attachment to the death of the schizophrenic father when his son thinks, how he had conveyed father’s death to his mother as well as on her father’s death a number of years back, but that nobody had conveyed his fathers death to him, the irony stings as I reconsider similar situations, maybe that is the reason why I cling to it. It is in a similar way that I seem to cling to my gloominess now-a-days. I have stopped interacting with most of my friends, even though I pine to speak to them always, but now even they seem to refute my advances. The world rolls round and life goes on, but I seem to gradually detach myself as a cello tape gradually rolls away from the roll. The strangeness of these facts as mine own seemed to sting me in the initial days. But I have accepted them now, as human beings are submissive to the ways imposed on them.

Nothing seems to occur to me, as I am hardly moved by anything now, though I feel my every day encounters with reality effects me much more these days than they did in the past. I write for hour’s everyday, but I uncannily delete every word before I go to sleep, or save them up routinely in the archives to which I provide no one access, but I constantly seem to fall short of things to post, this seems to be the reason why I post so less these days. My initial attachment with blogging has also slackened and is gathering dust now-a-days. I spend less time in this and read fewer posts even! I even contemplated deleting my blog. A few old relationships are turning over a new leaf over the last few days, whereas people on whom I relied the most seem to be constantly moving away. I am not liking the situation, but I am not being able to do anything either.

I just could not find anything to write about, so just decided to put into unforgiving words my present status. Still, some things are better dealt with silently rather than trying to communicate it and in the process making it more incomprehensible. This strange passiveness is frightening me sometimes, but I feel strangely at peace with it sometimes too!

Thank you if you had the patience to read through the crap atleast!

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Search.

2009-08-29T23:29:00.003+05:30

Lights sparkle in and out

Through the windshield

Sometimes blinding sight

Or flashing on sideways

The long journey into the night

Through the flashing pool

Of red lights blinking headway.

Suddenly it is pitch dark

Only the moon and the night

Into an headlong collision with sight

I spot a child on his mothers lap

Gulping his mothers stories

Eyes with curled lashes full of innocence

Innocence… and the night

Is their still so much innocence left in the night?

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Wanderings on and on...

2009-08-22T12:35:00.002+05:30

Her thoughts ramble on and on as she lies still. The wind caresses her face as the heavy smell of sweat does to her body. Something occupies the room, she is not alone. Dazed she stares at the ceiling and tries to focus. Everything seems to come in pairs, there are two fans, and there are two lights. She lifts her hands to her eyes, the light is too harsh. But the hand seems to split, she can view everything in-between! She drops the hand wearily to her side. It hits something and with a noisy clatter something falls to the floor. She sits up hurriedly coming out of her stance. She had been in the house continuously for three days. The ending had been harsh. Communicating has become difficult for the last few days. Feeling she would have been better off as dumb rather than face every embarrassing situation silently, she had gradually starting closing everything within her. It would probably be better alone, inside. She fell back on the bed. Bygone peeped in again through the door. Seeing her lying on the bed again she whispered to Present, “You can rest, she will be preoccupied with me for some time now.”. And her thoughts ambled on and on…

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Mother.

2009-08-14T00:52:00.002+05:30

I have been missing her terribly for the last few days. So this is something for the most beloved, best friend of my life!

What does she mean to somebody? What has she bestowed you with? Whom do you think about first when you open your eyes and usher the light of a new day unto your sight? Whose face do you crave for most in the face of your troubles? Whom do you return to at the end of the day, after you have a lump of hurt emotions and crushed ego after the day long struggle? And how do you feel when you can’t even return?

To someone, for whom love never knew no bounds…

It has been a long time mother;

Since I had seen you last.

You touched me then,

As you had never felt me before.

You begged me not to return

But I; then in the security

Of your presence

Understood you not!

It has been long now

That I have missed your healing touch,

As I lie ailing by.

Burdened with the gift of life

That you had bestowed on me before.

New soars have been inflicted again

And again and again…

As your words come to book.

I want you again mother;

After it has been a long time

That I have yearned thither.

In the longing soars of your love,

Hurt by the lashing waves,

You had always protected me from.

Come here to me mother,

Come back to me

It had been a long time mother,

I had been sharing you with somebody other!

Truth lurks behind these words;

Though no eavesdropper can hear;

Nor can anybody decipher my monologue,

This for me proves the better;

You are mine, and no one else’s.

It had really been a long time Mother!

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On the way...

2009-08-05T03:58:00.003+05:30

Shadows linger silent and still,

As the fiery sun glares upon;

The ever weary trudge,

To the land of dreams.

The way is hard and dry,

But I heard the destination is sweet.

It is difficult at first;

As you leave dear ones behind!

But the home there is sweeter, I heard;

Wine where flows in honey casks.

You are welcome anytime their,

Once you enter; you are a prisoner forever…

Of shadows, Of dreams, Of death.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Eternal Repose.

2009-07-30T10:29:00.007+05:30

You left many a pleasure,

You left many a work,

Are they for us to complete?

You left many a hearts empty,

You left many in tears,

You left many with memories;

What did you take with you then?

A coffin of reminisces you lie now,

A basket-full of memories.

You maybe are over with giving;

But did we ask you to go?

You never asked me for a bit,

Come I will give you the final rites now;

Did you leave us because you wanted these?

From me

My younger-grandfather.

Mask

I had seen it roaming about

I had seen it on the road

It was clear to me even in day light

As it lingered around me in the night.

Never had it haunted our peaceful place

Save one stray morning tragically

Snatching away somebody dear

To exist in some unknown heaven.

Since then I had not forgotten its ghastly face

Until this fine July morning

It showed the face under that hood again

To take the road until the end, its death.

SHE

How can I reach you now?

How can I but say what she spake?

Somebody wants you so much now;

That she can put her life at stake.

For you she had lived,

For you she held onto the sway.

And for you she had bore;

All the storms on the way.

She is hapless now,

A mass of misery and mourning;

She just wants to be with you;

Can you just visit her, one fine morning?

For you she will live,

For you will she strive to reach the shore;

Crossing all miseries and insults,

For the happiness you for her had left spread ashore.

My younger grand pa expired today morning. It is gloomy once again!

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The killing Instincts of the Ball!

2009-07-26T23:45:00.008+05:30

Show me your sprinting skills… You are divided into two groups, the Red’s vs. The Blues; I want to see which team gives the most passes… Red card! Red card... Hey you, come up here! Show me your dribbling skills… Chill! Give him some water… Very Good Very good… The trial was over.

I realized my brother had Attitude!

The ball, taming it down… the looks, the stunts… his four laps over before the opponent had completed two… the killing instincts with his weapon, the ball! That’s called ATTITUDE Man!

I had never seen him that way. But that day, hearing him say “I am always fit!” and then standing by the huge field against the sultry wind, I began understanding football, I began understanding him, amazed at the way he had grown up from that little biting mischievous boy to this football champ, understanding… yeah everybody grows up, grows up to be some fine tall handsome dude who comes up to me and asks, “So… how was it didi?”. As usual we exchanged winks [you blew ‘em up ;)], as had been the code since childhood, as far as I can remember!

It was his sports trial for admission to science at JU. Results are due on the 30^th or 31^st of this month. I just wish for the day when both he and I will be in the same university. Hoping the best for him. J

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Away

2009-07-24T13:14:00.003+05:30

The spell broke one misty morning

Quite differently from the deep night

The journey had started in.

Though moonlight had flooded in between

But paths in darkness had been written since.

Had the night lasted longer

I would have cherished the dream forever.

But the fairy had lost her way again

Maybe to some closed eye lid

Wherein no light had inhabited before.

Something became past then

Fossilized in memories and nights therein.

Something in the deep dark night died

Untangling all ties something broke away

Maybe forever…

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Halcyon days.

2009-07-22T10:18:00.009+05:30

“I feel ashamed to say this, but if you don’t listen to me then I will commit suicide, understood? Over the years you have robbed our home of its peaceful atmosphere, and have made it a place for everybody to cringe in your fear. You know when my friends speak of their parents I simply have a lump in my throat, just because my home has always been so so very different from them. Why do you do this papa? Why?”

Typing out the words with tears steaming down her cheeks Dimy pressed ‘send’ with a certain forcefulness and certainty. This should not go on for long, mumma crying on the phone everyday unable to bear whatever dad meted out on her. She had never had the audacity to speak out before him, but this thing was trying. Dimy could not bear this anymore. Staying away from them she could neither do anything to resolve nor bear her mothers pain. Something had to be done.

She called up his phone number once again, “I want to speak to mumma”.

“Did you just send me a mail?”

“I want to speak to mumma”

“Answer me first”, he snapped.

“I want to speak to mumma”, she shouted and disconnected the phone.

She envied her friends when they jumped on seeing her parents during the summer holidays; for her these had always been very formal occasions when you were supposed to behave and speak politely.

“You did not let me speak to my mumma; I’ll do whatever I have to. Good night.”, she sent another mail.

The bell rang for dinner, but she had no appetite today.

Ring…! Came a call from papa’s cell phone. But she knew what to do. She silenced the little intruder, turned her back and buried her face in the pillow. She just wanted to go away, away with her mumma, away from the monster that had visited her home, “home” since ages!

Please give these children a better childhood.

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Reason.

2009-07-18T00:47:00.009+05:30

Offer him a world to arouse;

Give it, give it, give it now,

It’s the end unless you unburden

The nights off its shoulder.

How long will it turn back?

Pull it, pull it, pull it up

Don’t let it sink back again

Down, down into the dark hole.

Its turning, turning turning,

Stop it, stop it and let it stand;

But let it burn ablaze to customary

Unless it gets its past back again.

How long will I suffer this way?

Forever returning back to the darkness;

Losing you always on the way.

How long, how long will you take my reason away?

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

To the flickering light...

2009-07-15T00:07:00.006+05:30

It’s a new day, a new beginning to many things. For me it’s a new year, it’s my birthday. But it feels strange, because it’s a day to celebrate. But I am here alone, amidst the crowd. Just wanted to do something different today. “AA” had tagged me long back, and I decided to do the tag as it had been left undone for so many days.

~~Last day on Earth…... Tagged.~~

It is not the end.

It is the beginning

To the dawn of the new life

Beyond the shroud

To a land often dreamt of

To welcoming arms

Often feared and loathed

But involuntarily embraced

As we step into life

Unconsciously moving towards the end.

Death to me had never meant the end. But it had meant separation. I had never feared the darkness behind the closed eyes, but had feared the tears on the open ones. Since it is my birthday today so instinctively didi tugs me at the back of my mind, she from this shrouded land calls me to her. So do I have anything to fear, isn’t she there to take care of me? Just as I find comfort thinking about C and her presence when I am late for college, this seems to a similar case; except that it is not college, but somewhere beyond death from where you never return.

I remember having a chat with didi longgg back, so much so that I don’t even clearly remember the conversation. But yes, it was a warm summer afternoon and we were alone, supposedly sent to sleep. I was most probably in nursery and didi in class two! Maybe I wouldn’t have remembered this conversation, but after she left us this chat of ours had come back to me intermittently, perhaps just from the time I began to equate death with her.

But situations are different now. It is no more those blissful days that I am secure under, but especially after this vacation I feel that the land around me has become somewhat alien. The four members of our family has been scattered by some catastrophe to four corners of some unknown land. So if I come to know that I have just 24 hours more to live, then maybe I wouldn’t even have the time to have my mumma, papa and brother together and see their faces for one last time. And maybe I would not have an option but to tell mumma papa about this, because otherwise maybe I would lie lifeless here in this empty house, without even anybody coming to know what has happened to me. But I would at first write a letter to my little bro and ask him to take care of mumma papa. And I would also leave behind whatever I have to my brother, and I love you cutie. Next I would like to just run into mumma’s arms once I get to see her because maybe I am the only one who knows how much I miss her! Then I would just go to college and behave as naturally as possible with all my acquaintances, making sure that I meet more or less everyone to whom I matter or who matters to me so that I would not miss them after I die. Then I would call up my grandma and aunties, for I know they would carry the burden of not being able to speak to me for the last time through out their lives if I don’t do this. I know that not everybody would be grieved on my death; rather a handful would be very shocked and sad, while some may be happy even. For the former ones, I would always be with you; nothing can do us apart. While for the rest, please take care of yourselves. Last but not the least I would like to stare out of the window by my bed out to the rising sun, silently welcoming the dawn to my new life, where it would again be me, and me, nobody else.

Thank you for tagging me. I do have the task of tagging fellow bloggers up here. But more or less everybody on my blogroll has done this tag. So I am specifically not mentioning any names, but anybody and everybody who drops by here and happens not to have done this tag, can do it.

~~And a Birthday…~~

I turn 19 today. It is the 15^th of July, and well today starts a new year of my life. I am another year older. I have no idea what this year has in store for me. But I would like to confess to the previous 18^th year, ‘You did make me a woman, somebody who was not me to someone who has accepted herself now. I cherish the blessings, or can those be called curses that you had surprised me with one fine day. Thank you for the sudden mirage to the actual image that you showed me.’ And to all my fellow bloggers ‘I am back’.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

A Day without Today.

2009-06-09T23:46:00.006+05:30

Temperatures rise codes fail

Lying on the edge senses trail.

The sultry afternoon dawns forth as,

Tripping over the thread I tread

I break the spell that created ‘today’.

Tomorrow is the day, maybe with no today.

The obscure designs magnify

The ones I just noticed now…

Thirty barcodes to the bottle

Some crazy patterns on the palate

The colored stones on the mosaic

Layers of dust on the sill.

They were their yesterday

But my wits then in witty consorts

Diverted the gaze.

When emotions fail to comfort

To them I return

Forever they had stayed

Anticipating my attention.

They come to play now

For you had they not forsaken

They the silent admirers.

Still, I reread the long messages

To whom I had been addicted

Written so that you would stop by,

They are still their

Awaiting your attention

Animate under my care.

I burned them up today

To ease the burns of yesterday.

Nothing is left of you now

Save charred black smudges.

The inanimate have come to life now,

You will be the one

For whom I lived eternally.

But never the one

I died for.

This is my last post this month. I am taking a long sabbatical from this place, this city, this forlorn existence. Something seems to have come over me causing me to be constantly distracted from my typical self. Will miss the space, will miss you guys, will miss the city and my friends. Hope to see you again on return. Till then good-bye, take care.

I wont be able to stay here for C`s birthday, hope she enjoys a lot. Many many happy returns of the day to you in advance dear, and a verrrryyyy Happpy Birthday. :)

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Its not in the distance...

2009-06-09T01:04:00.002+05:30

Snaps of memories escaped the room…

She pressed the cell closer to her ears. Though the words on the other side were clear enough, her loud heartbeats made it more difficult to hear clearly. The ring in her voice and the clear heartfelt laughter attested her excitement. It reached the room across and her parents smiled in their sleep.

The room had been filled with Adi`s voice a few days back. He was no more. A bike accident a month back had snatched him away from her.

The day with the familiar sights had been a constant reminder, while the nights nightmares. They were into courtship for eight years and were on the verge binding up everything legally when the tragedy intervened. The glass world shattered and she found herself breaking down over him, ‘his body’.

Her parents had thrown numerous proposals her way since then, all of whom she had shunned. His existence was only known to her, his existence in her. Revealing this would scandalize her parents along with herself.

But it was even more painful to see her parents wither away in her thoughts day by day. They had dreamt about her marriage since her childhood. And they had held her tight when she had fainted with the bunch of red invitation cards in her hands two days after his demise.

With swollen eyes she had dialed the number her mother had given her the evening along with the picture. The green walls of the room echoed his thoughts, thoughts that brought him back to her every night. The guy answering seemed decent, he even cracked witty jokes… nothing registered in her mind. But she had laughed loudly, for once forsaking her demeanor. Her parents seemed visibly pleased. Their daughter was returning back to normal.

With trembling hands she disconnected the phone. Her guilty heartbeats slowly stabilized back to steady. Opening the drawer she took out the bunch of letters, reread each of them and burnt them one by one. Her eyes gleamed with satisfaction. Slowly she unfolded the new blade that she had brought on her way back home. Closing her eyes and with a calm face she drew it deep into her wrist. Feeling the warmth she lay down. The room felt cold and she felt at complete peace with herself. Their was no sense of guilt save happiness. She along with his trace of him in her was going to stay together forever. She felt her breath running out… it was time; the hour to meet him had arrived ultimately.

Promises have been kept.

We vowed to be one in life and death.

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Infusing Life in You...

2009-06-08T02:08:00.007+05:30

It is only words and words

Words that rain out your memories

You seem to be non-existent,

But in my words you persist.

You have given way to this word-less emptiness

To which these expressions infused liveliness.

Are you their?

Or is it just my words

Fighting this lone quest

Towards asserting the reality…

That had one day created you

And are slaughtering you now.

Freezing you in these moments

While you breathe in my words.

They which instilled faith in me

Has now betrayed my trust.

Give life to my words

Their creation should not destroy you.

In their effort to chill time.

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Its time once again!

2009-06-06T01:02:00.014+05:30

5^th of June… it has again been a great day for me. Semesters are ultimately over, so it’s again time for some fun and masti.

That is exactly what we had today. No, it is not that I am obsessed with my friends, it is just that they were here again welcomingly intruding into these lonely depressing days of mine for once. They are not the same friends to whom I dedicated my last poem [If you remember the Last poem I dedicated to my friends], and neither of these two groups are acquainted! The special thing that differentiates this group of friends from the former is that none from this group are of my age. They are all senior to me, and we are all friends because we share a common passion. Yeah, all of us are passionate about Photography… the art that lent a new purpose to my life and a difference behind my perception towards things. It is an artist’s eye and a passionate interest that bonded us, but now they have been fraught with new ties of friendship. Over these span of few years, I have realized that my bond with these people are not only professional, but they have become an un-detachable part of my life now. Previously I did not give this much of a thought, maybe because they were always by me so I never had the need to realize their worth individually… but the realization seeped in deeper today “I am incomplete without them, just as I am incomplete without Photography”.

Now, this is a part of my life totally unknown to you. I have never before revealed this here so my guests here might be confused about what I am talking. Well, I am talking about JUPC, i.e. Jadavpur University Photographic Club, and I rather pride myself while conveying that, I am a part of such a heritage-us club.

These people graced me with their presence today and thus reigned complete disorder, masti, music, dance and insatiable gossips! It was such a fun-filled day that I just could not restrain myself from posting this :P. But this time almost all of them are out of station, out on the long ramble to Risikesh Haridwar, whereas a handful few of us are here, unfortunately dumped up for not having been able to secure permission for the Ramble. L So we just gathered up for a mini-picnic here at my place today.

We went out for lunch. Shunning the restaurant that we generally frequent, we went to the next one just to try something new, but just as the odds were against us, the place turned out to be yuck! A waste of good money! We returned home grumbling uselessly. On returning everybody immediately became busy securing cozy places to nap all over the flat. I was the only one left standing with a big Party Pack of cold drink in my hand! Taking advantage of my weapon to lure everyone, I threatened everybody of gulping down the whole bottle [ as if I would have been able to ;) ]. Immediately everybody came to my side, but being a host is difficult! I valiantly stood and saw everybody drinking to their health while I smoothened up the couch and the cushions, host after all! L

But what followed after that was not the sound of everybody sleeping, but of loud music blaring and everybody dancing contently to the tune! Even I followed suit :P

As the afternoon mellowed towards the evening we went upstairs to the roof and sat atop the water tank from where the whole world seemed to be visible.

The sky was wonderful with traces of a rainbow, it was simply wonderful. The shredded clouds gradually turned teary eyed as they forsook their frolics and became dark and grumpy, as if indulging my thoughts as the day drew its end. We stared at the setting sun and the colored clouds with rapt attention as the light breeze ruffled our hairs. The sun set, as did the day. The worst part followed as I ended up shedding tears as I felt alone once again in the almost crumpled up empty flat after everybody had departed!

P.S Forgive me for the photographs being hazy as I did not have proper camera, and these have been taken on my mobile camera. J

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Forever.

2009-06-05T01:29:00.001+05:30

I open the treasured box

Take your wishes in my hand

Turn them over, feel them against my skin

I put them back inside again

And close the box gently.

Everyday.

I unbolt the door to the path,

Intertwine my fingers with your memories

Feel them as they brush against my warm cheek

We walk together for sometime,

I bid you good bye and close the door behind me.

Everyday.

I dress up everyday

Just as you would have liked me to be.

I wait with flowers as the hour of your arrival passes by

I wait patiently and envision your smiling face as you glimpse me

Then I undress and close the door as you forget to turn up.

Everyday.

I dream the dreams over and over again

The ones you gave me

There are so many that I think they will last me forever

Until you think of gifting me new ones again,

I will cherish them

Forever.

Forever…

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Queue up Please!

2009-06-04T02:44:00.007+05:30

“Stand in the line [read queue]”, my class teacher snapped.

She had heard this as a child in school, and the days had been so since. It was line and line and lines everywhere. Lines to the park entry, lines for shopping at the supermarket, lines in electric offices, line for submitting tax, line for admission in school, line for the toilet, line for college admission forms, now-a-days on-‘line’ application, lines in the bus stand, lines to the auto stand, lines for eye-check-up and last not the least lines to the funeral pyre!

It has been a hell of day. I had to stand in the queue on the road for submitting the bill in the office which was on the 1^st floor of a tall building.

Had been to Presidency to submit brother’s application form. Just remembered the day when I had been here two years back for my admission. C had started shouting “it’s gone, it fell”, I suddenly saw an admit card bobbing up and down on the street. I was then wading through waist deep water with both my torn slippers slung over my shoulders through the streets of “College Street”. Now I was here again, preparing someone else for a similar test, hoping not in a similar situation!

Neither of the documents to be submitted was attested; so we had to run to Derozio hall to find some professor to attest them. Moreover their was some problem with the application form. The guy at the dispute settlement counter solved it and advised us to head for the Statistics department, where luckily forms were being attested by someone. Unassumingly we headed their, hoping to find some old professor helping the ‘Cows’ in need. ;)

Now begins… We entered and found a guy of our age fidgeting with some forms. I asked him, “Excuse me, can you please tell me where we can possibly get these attested?”. Without looking up he answered, “Give me the forms.”. He went through them and asked me for the originals. Then he asked me for a pen, checked everything out and started signing!

I was stunned, the guy seemed to be a Kid, and he was attesting! That meant he was a professor, and that too in Presidency, one of the heritage institutions! I was clean bowled, so was C. The guy had a deep voice and blue eyes and just of our age. C suffered bouts of “Oh God’s” from then. But I was thankful, “Thank God”, we did not have to stand in a queue to meet the guy :P

We returned to the long long form submission queue. Both of us were silent, possibly figuring out ways to return back to the office and talk to the guy ;) Ultimately, I suggested attesting some more documents, not because I needed them, but because they would be a fine pretext! We did that, and we talked even, this time gathering courage and taking deep breaths to stabilize ourselves before entering the office. :P

Even my headache vanished for the time being, nevertheless we were satisfied, what a cute guy, he couldn’t even make eye-contact, probably nervous in front of two girls; standing in a queue :P

It was a long day, with my head throbbing painfully.

I was in the auto stuck in “queue” in a traffic jam. A cab stopped by us. Their were three people inside, an aged man, an aged woman [probably the man’s wife] and a middle aged man [probably her son]. The old woman was slumped on the backseat with both of them on either sides. As the cab moved forward I saw the middle-aged man put something in her mouth, it was then I realized she was suffering from asthma, she seemed breathless.

Suddenly as the cab moved, an auto came up. A little baby looked up, his face contorted, became pink and he started crying.

Was he crying for the old woman who was on the verge of losing her life whereas he had just stepped in the world and was just next in the queue?

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

"Friends"

2009-06-02T01:44:00.004+05:30

You know me like the back of my hand

You know me like the blessed speck of light

You know me since I was a child

You know me more that I do.

When I refuted, you knew I would.

You sheltered me as I cried in grief.

I slipped and fell, you held my hand tight.

You stood outside until I came.

You know me like the sun gives way to the moon.

You know me like the withered leaf falling to the ground.

You know me like the magnified cloth under a drop of water.

You know me like the one who gave me life.

I stood still; you cleared the hurdles that I faced.

As the storm within drowned me, you cried my share.

I hid my face in shame, how did you know I was not guilty?

I persisted; insistence came to suppress my ego.

You color me as green colors the leaves.

You get angry over me never, though I am unstable.

You made my day when my head throbbed and I stopped.

You love me unconditionally, but I returned this never.

You are my life.

You are my dearest “Friend”.

Thank you C and S for being so good to me, and being my dearest friends. This poem is dedicated to the wonderful day you people gifted me today, in spite of the fact that I had to wake up early and run in order to reach their on time; but the movie started and you arrived late so much so that we missed a part of it. ;). Yet the movie was wonderfullll, made me realize our “music, dosti, madness” :P. The food was superb even though the budget was low ;) And the ‘muddy field talk’ was something to remember even though it was too hot to lounge in the sun on a hot summer day :P. You people rock. :)

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Prophecy.

2009-06-01T01:05:00.008+05:30

“Somebody very close to you will save your life today”, the astrologer spoke after a long pause.

“Somebody very close… and me!!”, he stood their for a few moments shaking his head and smiling to himself.

It was raining heavily as he drove along the then empty street to meet her. “She must be drenched…”, he thought aloud.

“Lift Lift”, a girl called out, desperately trying to attract his attention.

“Sure”, he opened the door of the car.

“Hello, I am Nisha”

“Hi, myself Randeep”

“What do you do?”, she asked.

“I am a doctor…”, he replied.

He took her in as she spoke; she was pale but unnaturally beautiful.

He dropped her.

“Thank you very much, I don’t know how I would have got home otherwise. No transport, nothing. By the way, you can just drop by for some coffee, it’s raining and nobody’s at home”, she offered.

“Thank you, but I am late for an appointment”

“It won’t take more than a few minutes”

Reluctantly he accepted her offer.

He sat in the drawing room, surfing channels.

She was changing inside into a short black dress; a sly grin crossed her face.

She entered with the coffee, swaying her slim body provocatively. She could see his flashing eyes.

“Bastards”, she thought, “You can just stay for sometime…”, aloud. “Off course if you are not in a hurry…”, she added softly.

“Sure…”, his cell rang as he uttered the word.

“Where are you? I am getting soaked to my skin here”, came her voice.

“I am on my way darling, just gimme two minutes.”

He hurriedly left the apartment, promising to drop by soon….

He ran across to the car unheeding the rain, unlocked the door and got inside.

Just as he inserted the key in the ignition, the purse beside him attracted his attention.

“Oh, she has forgotten…”, a folded piece of paper was disturbingly sticking out of it.

He unfolded it. It was a medical certificate. The few words scribbled across sent a chill down his spine…

“Name: Nisha Sharma

Age: 23 years

Confirmed HIV”.

P.S. Beware of careless contacts. Save yourself from HIV.

This is my second attempt at Fiction, intended to make this a 55 fiction, but unfortunately while framing it up, it became so long, that it became a full story. L

Please do let me know what you think of this, I am looking forward eagerly to your views on my efforts. Incidentally this idea crossed my mind while going through an unknown person’s collection of you-tube videos in Orkut, who had by the by sent me a friend request. Thank you. J

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Intrigued.

2009-05-30T00:24:00.003+05:30

I find myself at peace

Engulfed in the brief darkness that envelopes,

As I switch off all the lights to go out;

Before I open the door.

I search for myself in the memories

The epitome of purity as a child,

When I lay alone with a story book ;

Blissfully oblivious of my future.

I experience only myself within me

As sleep engulfs all my worries,

As I lay aside my work;

Letting sleep kiss my closed eyelids.

I marvel at my chaste smile

As my little brother runs up to me,

And takes my hand lovingly, unaware of

The turmoil that has left me restless for days.

I marvel at my vivacity

When all my friends come up to my place,

And I strive to meet all their needs;

And entertain them at my best.

I revere at my sense of respect

When the old grandma blesses me everyday,

As I touch her feet and she places her hand on my head;

Before setting out for the weary day at college.

I wonder at the transparency of my tears

As didi’s memories suddenly engulf me at midnights,

Causing a steady stream of restless tears;

Searching for her amidst this wilderness.

I tremble as I loathe myself

The sweet memories that tarnished my innocence,

Snatched away my dear sister.

Amazed as I still perceive glimpses of me,

Which I thought was lost forever;

Amidst this intricate shadow left of myself.

My sems have ultimately finished. :)

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Washing away the sins it came...

2009-05-28T01:48:00.010+05:30

The rain and storm

Wrecked havoc in the earth

Just after you left me devastated…

Sitting motionless by the window she watched the rain flow away in misty spells as the playful wind came chasing. It was early morning, the day she had an exam and it was pouring down in torrents. The field beside the apartment was already a pool with the wind drawing furrows in the mucky water. She had always loved these spells of rain, but now it nauseated her as did the promises.

It was mid-day now, and the rain was still pouring down gleefully. Furrows of concern appeared on her forehead as the time of the exam approached and the rain had still not shown any signs of stopping. Their was not a soul to be seen on the street, not even the stray dogs!

Finally it did not stop; hating it she dressed up in sundaes and went out. It was impossible to open the umbrella as the wind blew it away every time she tried. Gradually the water started seeping down her as she tried to dodge a spray of muddy water when a car sped by. There were neither cars nor buses nor autos available, and it irritated her even more. Ultimately an auto stopped and she got into it. Even that did not offer any respite, rain water sprayed from all sides of the open vehicle causing her to flinch unconsciously. The streets were more or less empty save some people scurrying about for shelter. Even the old beggar by the turning was not their.

The aurorikshaw-walla did not go as far as her college, he dropped her mid way saying a big tree had uprooted near the university so their was a huge jam and consequently no vehicles could pass. The rain pelted down on her again as she wended her way amongst the scurrying people, now she herself being a part of them, jumping over pools of water.

Getting into the university she felt pleased at herself for having made her way here without any further fuss. But odds were against her today. Just as she approached the department building, a huge tree which had fallen lay blocking her way! Standing their perplexed for sometime, she gradually made her way through it hopping from one spot to another through the muddy tangle. Ultimately she got into the department and heaved a sigh of relief.

People were huddled around the entrance waiting for the rain to mellow down before making their way out to the inviting muddy world. Everywhere everybody was discussing how bad the cyclone had hit the city and how many trees had been uprooted and how many people had been injured or had died. She just wanted to shut out the rain and run away! She hated it. Running up the stairs she met her friends standing before the HOD`s room.

“Hey, the exam has been called off”, one shouted at her as she approached them.

“What, what the hell!”, she exclaimed, “I came betting myself against all odds and the exam has been cancelled”. She felt very angry.

Then continued the tryst with the Head to take the exam.

The discussion went on for a long time; every thing was fixed, again cancelled… Ultimately it was cancelled!

People ran about shouting for everyone to return home by three or to stay back. A red alert had been given after three, and everyone had been forbidden to stay out-doors as the cyclone was predicted to hit even hard after that.

Luckily a friend offered to drop her back home and she graciously accepted the offer.

Ultimately, everything ensued she returned back home soaked to the skin, sneezing and feeling feverish. A quick hot bath and warm coffee followed. Everything done for the day, she was back to her place now, with a hot cup of coffee and her favorite story book cuddled up amidst pillows.

She looked out of her window to the chilly wind and pelting rain and saw a guy running for shelter. She smiled, her mind went back to the disgust she had felt while going out and everything she had done till then re-winded itself.

Contemplating, she felt happy. It had suddenly struck her that she had not remembered him even once all this time. She felt grateful to the rain once again as she stretched out her hand to catch some of the molten drops…

… It will be hard to get over

I will still forget “you” never

But I will get over you

Get over your “memories” forever.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feels as if the cyclone has hit me! It has nearly been a week now since the ordeal has been prevailing. It is hard, but it is harder alone. Am missing didi very much now, I need you now! I can just feel how you felt when… C has been a great support, comfort and strength. Thanks, it’s for you that I am stable and sane till now dear. Last exam had been postponed; I am not quite over with the semesters till now, hoping to finish them by the 29^th of the month. Meanwhile mumma back home is very upset, my little bro is finally going away to the boarding school. I myself just cant figure out how I’ll return back home and not see him around. Life of late seems to be staggering, staggering with some invisible burden that I seem to be carrying on my shoulders willingly! I don’t even feel sane always, I just don’t feel myself but some body else whom my skin has sheltered, feels as if sometimes I go out of my head, I just don’t know why…

A broken teapot

An ink stained mattress

The pale light seeping in

The half open windows

I sit and stare out aimless

My world was never like this…!

I sleep hour after hour

Motionless emotionless

Everything seems broken

Maybe I exceeded

Limits to my expectations…

Give me some Peace, oh Rain!

This is my first post after the cyclone “Aila” ravaged Kolkata. It has been devastating, the ‘city of joy’, is now joyless with the cyclone claiming the largest number of figures amongst the recent natural calamities, 17 lives with innumerable more injured and several more le

ft homeless. The streets are a sight now along with our university. I felt sad today as I saw the uproote

d trees, some of which lay motionless by the side of the road in sad plight, whereas one of them has fallen breaking the sturdy boundary along with it! It has been raining again since today evening and it is getting all the more depressing, although I ran upstairs and got wet first!

Half of the city lay in darkness since then deprived of electricity. Thanks to our phase of connection, I did not have to undergo the trauma of the power cut, but their was no net connectivity, hence comes my delayed post after everything has already passed and everybody is restoring back to normalcy…

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

You made 'Yourself' terribly memorable!

2009-05-24T02:21:00.010+05:30

It is nothing else

Just that you are not being yourself.

You are dismissive

You are distancing yourself,

Our words move you a lot;

Then why do you feign coldness?

Why can’t you just be you?

Our humor device

The place to vent out in distress,

Where are you going?

Someplace where you lost yourself?

Treading the paths you loathed.

Hate me, I just don’t care.

But refrain from hating yourself;

I indeed care for that.

I remember you in your typical stands

I considered you in you classy change

I saw you endure through wind and rain.

Now you try distancing yourself

Think you I won’t get a wisp,

You remember your thoughts dear?

The times when I mocked your dress?

Smiled at your funny crush?

And called you up on a hasty yen?

Having reduced your presence to a laugh,

You mock me to my depth…

Come back dear to the isolated pastures

The places you made terribly memorable

We miss you awfully often

Only if you knew that even!

2.21am, 24^th May.

This is intended for a close friend of mine who has no quite been his own self. Please come back as your own cheery self is all I pray L

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Overcome...

2009-05-21T01:44:00.009+05:30

“Papa”, little Smriti exclaimed joyfully as she spied the car turn the curb into the narrow stretch by the field. She bounded down the stairs as he parked the car. He took her up in his arms and kissed her on the forehead, “I am back my sweet darling, see I am early for you”.

She kissed him on the cheek and said, “The fair is over papa, they took away the big peacock today”, making a big circle with her hands.

“Oh, that’s sad.”

“Have you brought my chocolate?”

He nodded his head, “Yes I have, but did you behave yourself today? Is mumma home?”

Her face dropped instantly and she continued in a grave voice, “I have a complaint papa.”

“Complaint…eh?”, he raised his eyebrows.

“Mumma scolded me this morning. I want you to scold mumma for that.”

“Oh, did she scold my little pie? I will scold her very much, but, by the way why did she scold you?”

She stared at him for a few moments as they headed up the stairs, then gave him an apologetic grin and suddenly jumped, embraced him tight and whispered in his ears , “I did not do my homework”, burying her face in the nape of his neck.

Amused at his daughter’s mischievousness, he gave a slight smile.

“Bye dearie, we will be back soon. Behave yourself. Ok?”, he hugged her tight before setting her down. She waved at him leaning over the stairs as the maid took her in and closed the door.

He walked by the huge ground to the car. The fair had just been over and the ground was fairly empty, save some lone shops which were still being packed up. Rest of it was full of discarded paper and plastic bags, paper plates and discarded cardboard boxes… it was a total mess. This end of the fair had always dismayed him, just as it did to his daughter since his childhood. To him it had always been an end to the erstwhile celebrations and fun. The fair had always delighted him, but now-a-days it was different especially after she conceived. The noise and lights would trouble her no end and she would have no rest. Thankfully it was over, she would be able to rest quietly now.

Work at the office was becoming strenuous day by day as the end of the year approached. Life had ever since been unfair to him. He was always the guinea pig who was being continuously tested upon. An evening of delightful partying had turned into a disaster and since then life had been a living hell. Motherless along with his mentally unstable father had made living a nightmare. He had been the man of the family, a family of a mentally unstable father an eleven year old son! Until off-course, she came and bestowed love in his life like some shining angel out of the stars. Everything was perfect now.

She would be waiting for him at the school, and he was sure she would be tired. The day would definitely stress her out, moreover after all the check ups and the work strain. He had already asked the maid to prepare dinner so that she would be able to rest after they got home.

He silently pushed open the door, it creaked disturbingly. The room was pitch dark, save some light filtering through the stained glass windows. It was Friday, and it had been his ritual since ages.

“Father”, he called out silently to the gaunt figure sitting mutely on the bed.

The old man looked up. “You have come again?”, he asked visibly annoyed.

“How are you father?”, he asked.

“Did you bring her along?”.

He stood their silently uncertain of what to say.

“Where is your mother?”, he screamed!

“I have told you before, mamma is no more papa…”, he said earnestly sitting down at his knees.

“Shut up. She is alive, you are lying, I know she is…”, he continues viciously, “…you are hiding her from me…”, he fainted.

He held him in his arms and stared at the calmly agonized face. Father had never been able to come to terms with mamma’s demise. Sometimes he felt irritated of his outbursts and inability to understand…

They were returning from a dinner party. The evening had been delightful with lots of fun and cakes. They are exhausted. Mumma was carrying then, 3 months. He was in the back seat, alone and papa was driving. As they took a bend into the side lane to their house, their was a flash, a screech of brakes and a huge crash. He bumped forward. Mumma screamed. A crowd of faces and a clamor of voices was all he remembered before he sunk into unconsciousness. It had been an angst-ridden existence for him since.

“When did you come son?” his father asked. He had recovered consciousness while he was engulfed in ruminating.

“Just now papa. How are you?”

“They are not treating me well, I did not have dinner yesterday…” Complaints.

He walked back silently through the dark dirt track back to the car. Unlocked the door and got inside. His insides were churning, twisting with agony. He remembered the lullaby’s that momma used to sing while putting him to sleep. The comforting arms and the soothing voice. Had she been here everything would have been all right. He remembered the peace that reigned at home in her presence and the emptiness he used to feel when she was no more. He felt like screaming, “Why did you leave us…?”.

The cell flashed. It was she, his wife. “Where are you? I am feeling exhausted…”

Her voice calmed his heated mind. He loved her, loved her more than his life. She had given him everything since, cooled his restless quest… provided him the peace and sanctity of a home, been his friend, wife, mother, partner, it was for her that he had survived.

She was waiting, her gaze searching anxiously for the car. She was their, his life.

He opened the door for her as she got in. She pecked him on the cheek… he looked perturbed.

“I love you”, he muttered as the car hummed to life.

They sliced through the highway. Cars oozed past, flashing their headlights.

“Your daughter is as mischievous as ever! She complained that you had scolded her and so I should scold you too”, he said.

She laughed gesturing, “You just don’t know what she has been doing these two days. Every time I was scolding her, she was calling you up from her mobile-pencil-box and complaining!”

Both of them laughed out aloud. This little fairy had been the focal point of their life since she was born. They had named her “Smriti”, memories with love.

Teasing her he said, “Yes, you should remember whose daughter she is, has to be mischievous”.

They chatted away, his perturbation dissipating.

Suddenly, a screech of brakes. She screamed.

A huge crowd had gathered. They were taking her out. He stared on mutely. It seemed to be a bad dream.

He sat quietly on the bed in the pitch dark room, staring blankly into space.

Fate mocks, destiny screams

You join in the mirth unheeding

Fate plans, destiny undertakes

You play it safe until it breaks

Fate spins, destiny unravels dreams

You gaze on, your world crashing…

This is my really very first attempt at fiction. Please do let me know how you like it, so that I may overcome the short comings that I have made in this first try. Thanks to C and S who helped me a lot in giving the work it’s true essence.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Is it my You?

2009-05-18T01:34:00.011+05:30

Twisting and turning

Sleepless in bed

As the night mocks past

The haunting hours

You creep by me

As I fight over darkness

Sweet memories undaunted linger

As molten dreams rain unhindered

Solace had your return been

When I rejoiced unseen

But you… was it you?

“My same you?”

You laughed, you talked

But my caresses, you recognized them not.

You were immersed in yourself

Me but some anonymous creature

You cared not to care

But you… was it you?

“My same you?”

The same eyes

The same lips, your brows

As they rose in frown

The large hands, the mole

Everything is you

But you… was it you?

“My same you?”

I am sore, I am through

Through with identifying you

It is you, my same you

The one before I lost you

I missed you

Now… it is you?

“My same you?”

But you are hers

How can you be my you?

You are you

But you are hers

You forsook me

You are hers

You are ‘you’

“But… you are not my “You”!”

Sorry for sounding so low of late. I was not well for a few days contineously, guess that took a toll on my thoughts. Thanks for staying by me. I dint know that I had so many good friends by me! Thank you very much. :)

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

2009-05-16T11:24:00.002+05:30

It’s gradually becoming darker and darker outside as the heavy dark clouds crowd above the already soggy field. Then comes down the rain, at first soft, then torrential, frightening. It felt wonderful at first and I went to sleep, taking advantage of the cool weather. Now it is completely dark and I cannot see anything. I am feeling lost, lost in the dark cold maze. I hate the rain, I miss the summer. This stark coldness creeps in; I hate the indifferent stillness of the air when it hits me sharp on the face. I hate its vigorous movement as it moves about in its quest for destruction. I miss the warmth of the summer, the breeze that beckons outside as the sky smiles cloudless, its caresses, and its softness. The room is feeling very stuffy now, I am feeling suffocated. I don’t know what it is, but I am feeling ill. A feeling of some deep consciousness heaves inside my breast, I feel as if I am carrying some guilty secret within me. I am feeling sick again. The past few days had been a nightmare. Mumma was here yesterday, but she is not today. She will be very worried if she knows I am alone and ill again, so I’ve got no-body to share this. But I am feeling desperately sick again, my insides are churning me out of me, I need somebody desperately to talk my heart out. I need somebody by my side. This reminds me of the days he used to stay beside me literally every hour of the day, but it is tomorrow today. I am tired of pleading, now just getting used to nothingness… but this is costing me myself now. Even didi is not here. I am missing her desperately now. She was upset today, unable to retain her unusual composure that she generally shields herself up with. I feel like crying my heart out to myself, as it is nobody can provide the solace which I need from me now. A lonely child of two disparate parents, Oh! I am tired of exploring the dark realms within myself; I need to dispel this darkness reigning within me. I found myself fumbling even during the exam; I found myself at loss of words, a thing not my trait. The rumbling thunder interrupts my thoughts as I fight desperately to warm myself with coffee and fill myself with warm music, but everything seems futile… I am gradually becoming empty again. A deep void steals the world out of me, and this stark coldness seems to strip off the little warmth that I had until now, this darkness pains; its killing me!

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Anticipating memories...

2009-05-11T03:42:00.004+05:30

It is tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…

As dwelling anticipation refuse to admit rout,

As the sweet memories of bygone dawn upon…

It has been long since you touched

The sacred holy heart tingling presence,

Now long since awaited for, pined without

Yearned for more as days slip past count…

Sweet memories stare bleak

As I stare at the now un trodden way

Once sprigged with the flowers of desire,

Saw it, felt it, loved it… no more is it now.

Though hopes refuse to fling the curse

The eyes bore to stare at the once cherished path.

As the thrush chants on its loveless song.

It is bygone and bygone and bygone…

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Atrocious you.

2009-05-05T01:29:00.003+05:30

It was a delightful day love

You woke me up to the sun

Everything around was beautiful

But the dark cloud sustained.

Love and mutterings

You tinted it all,

An illicit fruit it had been to me

Cherished it became then.

Memories and memories you left me to.

It has been long since the colors paled

I saw them dilute in splotches

In saturated saline beads.

They drained you away, My life

Dreams ushered into reality.

Never had my world been so beautiful,

Never had I imagined it so ghastly.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

To someone beloved... too close to me, yet so far...

2009-05-04T00:15:00.007+05:30

It’s been a long time Didi since I wrote you the last letter. The end of the sophomore year has come up, just having dreams of being a Graduate. Was feeling very lonely the whole day and even hurt my hand badly. You remember how I was prone to falling down and bruising myself as a child, and how you used to hide me from mother so that she would not scold me for hurting myself again? I was reminded of you thus.

You remember you had always wanted to be in a very big college and since I dint understand the concept of college then, so you tried to make me understand all of that. Well I would really like to confess one thing now… even though I used to nod my head that I understood everything you said, but really I dint understand anything… I just used to nod my head, because you seemed so pleased when I said that I had understood :P

But Didi, one question has been plaguing me of late. Thought nobody would be able to answer this other than you… Well, when you decided to leave us and end everything… did you never think about how we would feel about this decision of yours or how everybody would cope with your loss? I think you never even gave this a thought. Until now I used to try to come to terms with your separation as a path to ease your pain. But of late, I am feeling very angry with you. I don’t know why, neither do I know if it is logical or not, but it is just that I am feeling angry. Maybe it needed a lot of strength to do what you did, but didn’t you think that you were being selfish? Didn’t you feel that you were being partial by enjoying your life the way you felt, and ending it when you couldn’t bear any more… you never gave a thought about how we would feel, Why?

I know, whatever you have done cannot be undone and neither will my grudge bring you back to us, but believe me I couldn’t help expressing this as I am really feeling angry. And I need an answer to my question, by any means. Please.

Stay well wherever you are didi. Couldn’t help the grudge against you. Nevertheless I love you. And I am missing you very badly of late; this is becoming more frequent day by day. I don’t have the means to discuss you with anybody but I am feeling the need of having your guidance by my side at this stage of my life. It has been so long since you have left, almost six years. I was too young to understand the intense void that you were creating in me then, I interpreted your separation as some big loss that was occurring to me, but now -a -days I am feeling the urge to discover you again. Discover my old didi once again, you as my mentor in my matured stage… I try to realize you through my own feelings, but I never seem to get enough of it. Still now I feel that you are just a call away, as you used to be then.

Will you please come up and sit beside me? Everybody is tired of making me understand that you won’t be returning anymore, but still now I find it difficult to accept that, though nobody knows about it. Have been encountering so many separations lately that they have been haunting me over and over again. And each of these reminds me of you. Please stay beside me as you used to. Bye.

Yours,

Lil Sis.

P.S. Today I complete 30 posts of mine and I have already completed 1 month of blogging here. This means a lot to a new-comer as me. Would have been very happy otherwise, but i am not just in the mood to shout and enjoy today. The day has been effectively numbing. Nevertheless I am glad. And I wish to complete as many posts as possible here. So ultimately it is done, 30 grand runs in Blogsphere.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Fate.

2009-05-03T01:45:00.003+05:30

God did indeed avert me an accident today.

Not an “accident” in the true sense,

But definitely with some-one

I’d rather die over.

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

You. A.

2009-05-02T01:13:00.007+05:30

YOU, it reminds me of you

You being my centre of attention.

You occupying my thoughts

My silent prayers for your well-being

A peek through the parted curtain

A buzz on the IM

The little jokes you cracked

The little wishes you wished for ‘Us’

The Cancer-Libra incompatibility

The acceptance of the silent indifference

The long no-non-sense talks

The after-perturbation hangovers

Your sudden mood swings

The frustrations, the tears

The sudden love-blurts, the fears

Your constant illness

My only crush, your only love

Your diamond for tears

Realization of your absence

As the eyes fill up and the hands retard

The fact that you were mine once

But will never be mine again,

Reminds me of you…

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

"Of all the things that I have lost, I miss my mind the most"

2009-05-01T14:35:00.011+05:30

It had been a hectic day. Hustling and bustling, along with the burning heat, she was ready to drop and die.

A saying occurred to her again and again. It was coming and circling her head, eating into her thoughts. It was once a tagline in one of her friend’s orkut Profile…

“Of all the things that I lost, I miss my mind the most”, though a very common tag, it was suddenly disturbing her.

The bus was crowded, but more and more people were still boarding it. The atmosphere was suffocating, pushing and struggling for some space, she took her ticket. Crowded buses stifled her. Being an asthma patient as a child, the phobia and nightmares had still not left her. Moreover the jostling crowd seemed to get on her nerves now. Thankfully, the front seat emptied and she sat down. College was still a long way off. Sitting down, she felt herself to be an observer of the sufferings of the people. Isn’t it in a synonymous way that people fight for an inch of ground always? At the end of the day it is all the same, everybody returns to their niches again. Then what is the justification behind this everyday fight, isn’t it just a myth? The world seemed to evaporate in front of her eyes as she felt everything to be a dream, only the parting real. This whole bus of people, who were they? Nobody knew each there, but aren’t we supposed to know our neighbors? Don’t we live in the same world after all… all of them, how many out of them will return back safely to the comfort of their homes within this day? Or who amongst this whole lot, rather “we”, is destined to part this very day? The heat was unnerving now. The tag occurred to her again. She dozed off.

It was suddenly a heavy nudge that shook her out of the reverie. It was the huge dark scarred faced man beside her, trying to get down. Even her stop had come; she got down; relieved to be out of the tin furnace at last!

Class had started and she was late as usual. Sir was handing out papers. Fearing the inevitable, she took hers; afraid to see the marks. Lo! She had topped the test!

Recess, they were hungry. Heading for the canteen, she opened her bag to take out the purse. But it was not their! She groped about, turning the bag inside out, but it had vanished. Money gone, but her cards; the ATM cards…!! Oh God, the purse had either fallen out or stolen. What was she to do now; everything seemed to be in turmoil!

She was very upset. Still, their were classes and extra classes to attend. Everything done, she was tired.

It was the end of a day, a day to remember. The raging sun had almost gone down, finished with plundering peoples energies. She was in the auto returning home. Hoards of people were occupying the streets. A political rally was in progress. People were shouting, horns blaring, a child crying… the day rewinded in her mind.

Was it a bad day or a good one?

The tagline occurred to her again as she sat silently. The auto had stopped in a traffic jam. A boutique was standing lighted beside the road. People were busy shopping inside. A T- shirt was displayed in the shop window, lighted up with green light. She stained her eyes to read the words written across its chest.

It read, “Of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most!”

I was indeed pick pocketed yesterday :( and I lost all my ATM and debit cards. Was just surprised at the pernicious individuals who did this. I am indeed angry at them and frightened of my papa [called Hitler papa sometimes], who scolded me a lot. :(

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Eternal Ethics.

2009-04-25T01:42:00.004+05:30

Eternal harmony played on taut

As I reinforced myself to face

The best of struggles raging within me

Blessed be the stars that have perked up

To witness me, and me alone

In this quest to freeing myself.

Two opposite horizons playing tough

None losing a chance to tease.

The constant struggle to keep up,

Whatever was left of the expectant

To stare at the blissful expecting.

Where have my senses fled

To somewhere unknown

Absence of ethics might have helped

Getting over the fight.

It’s shattering me.

Squeezing me Tight

Nothing left to give anymore

I’m sold, sold to my destiny.

Neither ethics nor senses helped

When I turned to give it a final shot.

3.15am, 22^nd March, Sunday.

Will be away from blogging of a few days, will be out of station... will be missing yea... :(

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P

Her World.

2009-04-24T03:22:00.006+05:30

It was again after a long time that the net was creating problems. It was frustrating sometimes, staying alone.

She buried her face in the pillow and streams rained out. It was after a long time, she cried. It was almost midnight and everything was dead silent, except for the music playing softly “What I want is what I have got”!

It seemed to be one of the most contradictory sessions of her life. Everything around her was perfect; in fact it was supposedly the most harmonized time of her life, which was in an upheaval till now. The perfect time to sing, “What I want is what I have got”. Instead she was their, sprawled out on the huge bed, face buried in the pillow, crying her heart out. She just felt so.

She had not spoken to him for four days, she did not know why! He was sick when she had last spoken to him. But he would never understand her worries… Studies were going haystack…! Even ‘he’ dint seem to care. Everyone seemed to be using her. Using for their own benefit. The world seemed to be full of nice friends, but here she was crying her heart out when nobody even had a wisp of that! Everybody seemed to care for her, her existence… one asked for her birthday gift, another to accompany her for shopping, while somebody asked her to come to college to borrow a book from her, while others called her up because they were frustrated or were feeling lonely or because they did not have any work. Nevertheless she cared little for their intentions, to spare her from feeling lonely she loved to speak. Still, she was maybe one of the quietest persons on earth, for, for the better part of the day she was alone, alone with her work, solitude and music accompanying incessantly. Other times ‘accompanying others’ because they needed her.

Striving to cheer up her lone self she though; Yes, everybody indeed cares, for this lone existence.

Tired of crying so long, her head ached and so did her heart. She took the pen, turned to the last page of her notebook and started penning down her thoughts…

Please do read and comment on my efforts if you find this post popping up anywhere near you :P